Haruhi Potter the Lion, the Witch, and The Warrior
by nliev
Summary: The title will be changed into "the Parody of Haruhi Suzumiya" but i want some of the few readers to know that change before i change it. Anyway, this is a story that basically starts with haruhi reading some books...
1. The New Student, A DOODAD!

**Haruhi Potter: the Lion (In Boots!), the Witch, and the Warrior Within**

**Chapter I**

"For N**nia and for A**an!" With that, a ragtag army composed of aliens, time travelers, espers, and other supernatural beings charged to meet the armies of the Green Witch in glorious battle… how troublesome. And more troublesome is the fact that I am right in the middle of this aggravation, along with the other members of the SOS Brigade. Of all the people in this planet, why did I have to be the "one chosen by Suzumiya" anyway? Why did I have to bear this burden? And most importantly, why do I have to narrate the story to you people?

Well, the nightmare began one seemingly normal Thursday. In fact, that day was so normal, so I knew that something terribly wrong _had_ to happen (shivers). My weird, Haruhi-related experience warning sense is tingling. I should go home when I still can. "KYON!" Oh crap. Too late.

"Alright everyone, let's welcome the newest member of the SOS Brigade…" Oh no, another member. What would it be this time, a cyborg? Or a vampire, perhaps? Or maybe some superweapon of an ancient yet highly advanced race? Crap, I've been staying with Haruhi too long. …"second year transfer student, Izumi Konata-chan!" Then a poorly drawn doodad… er, strange-looking creature, I mean girl, suddenly entered the room. And she's wearing a lion costume. WHAT!? Oh good, now Haruhi has two dress-up dolls to play with. "Yo." Did I miss something? Suddenly she's wearing this bizarre costume which consists of a black long-sleeved shirt, a flak jacket, black pants, a mask that covers the lower half of her face, and sandals. And oh, she has this band on her forehead that has a drawing of a surreal leaf. Wait, I think I saw this somewhere. Oh yeah, this is the costume of Ka**shi from Naru**. I don't think my brain can take any more today. Can I go home now?

"Excuse me," Koizumi finally said. Oh yes, he's part of the story too. "Konata-san, right? I'm Itsuki Koizumi. Nice to meet you." He said those words while showing that ever-so-present smile of his. Hey Koizumi, at least act surprised! It's like you've been expecting her or something.

Um… h-hello. I'm Asahina Mikuru. Would you like some tea or something?" Ah Asahina-san really is an angel. Hey Haruhi, why can't you be like that. Is that too much to ask?

"Sure, believe it!" Huh? When I looked at Konata's direction again, she had these whiskers drawn on her face and she was wearing this hideous orange jumpsuit. How the hell does she do that?

"Kyon, you moron! Stop looking at Kona-chan like that! You haven't introduced yourself yet!" Oh yeah, Haruhi. I kind of forgot that she existed for a while. Well, I should tell her my real name, not that hideous nickname. At least this doodad will call me by my real name. "Hi, I'm K-" "This is Kyon!" Damn you, Haruhi! That was my only chance! "And that girl over there is Nagato Yuki," Haruhi said while pointing to Yuki's direction. Yuki stopped reading and looked at Konata, who (fortunately) did not do a sudden costume change. And for some reason, she seemed to be very interested in Yuki. "Hey, are you Aya**mi Rei's clone or something?" Oh, another reference to an anime series totally unrelated to this fanfiction. One more and we'll be charged with copyright infringement or something. Yuki just looked at her curiously, and then went back to her reading as if nothing happened. Same old Yuki. When I was about to complain to Haruhi, I saw that she disappeared. Probably to get a new costume for Asahina-san.

I wanted to spent the rest of the club meeting peacefully playing Othello with Koizumi to turn my mind away from these insane turn of events (Koizumi sucks at this game, so I will definitely win and feel better). But something else happened. Koizumi had to leave early to go to "work", so I ended up playing with the new member instead. Maybe I can find out more about her, then. But I don't think I can do that now because Konata turned out to be an expert at Othello (Or maybe my skills just degraded after playing against a hopeless amateur like Koizumi). Well, I still have to try to find out what she really is. "So, Izumi-san, are you a professional Othello player or something?" That was a stupid question. Damn you, Haruhi, you really messed up my mind. "No, I just played a video game once that had this scene where you had to play this same game. You're even using that exact same strategy my opponent was using." What!? Is it just me, or is her answer much more stupid than my question? And now she looks like a cat. Oh, I think I know what she really is: she is actually a pigment of Haruhi's imagination that came to life because Haruhi wished for it. Great. Hey, stop winning when I'm thinking about your identity! Ack, you still look like a cat! That's really disturbing! I should try to concentrate, or distract her so that I could win.

"Wait, which school did you come from, anyway?" Konata makes a move, flips over four of my pieces, then answers. "I came from Ryou High School." Huh? Never heard of it. Wait, I'm thinking of something else again! Oh no, I'm losing again! Wait, is she wearing the lion costume again? "Hey, did Haruhi force you to wear that costume?" "O-ho-ho-ho," was the only reply I get from her. Is she saying that she wore that by her own will? Now that's disturbing. And she still has that cat expression! I can't concentrate!

"Suzumiya-san didn't make me wear this costume. And the reason why she isn't here now is because I told her to get something from my classroom." Oh. Wait, did she just say that she told Haruhi to do something? Oh, crap… Oh… crap. Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap!!! Did she finally change? Oh, thank you, God! "See, I brought costumes for all of us, and I left them in my classroom. I asked Suzumiya-san to pick the costumes personally." God, is this some kind of divine punishment? I better escape. Too late. The door just slammed into my face.

"KYON!" Haruhi's voice echoed throughout the hallway. "Hey, I'm here! You don't have to be that loud!" Hey Koizumi, you left early because you knew that this was going to happen, didn't you? Damn you and your ESP. "Hey Kyon, I picked costumes for us! Go get them in Konata-chan's classroom." I had to do the manual labor. Why am I not surprised? "What are you standing there for? Well, go on, get the costumes!" I left the clubroom, but before I got out, I saw Haruhi reading a book. No, not a textbook, it was a novel. Wait, Haruhi, reading a book? That's good. She might settle down and become like Yuki.

As I walked through the hallway, I realized that I forgot to ask Izumi-san where her room was. I could have kicked myself for being so dumb. So I turned back to go to the clubroom, only to find Izumi-san standing right behind me, wearing 14th century samurai armor. Wait, how did she follow me all the way here? That armor looked pretty heavy. "O-ho-ho-ho," she laughed. "You don't know where my classroom is, don't you, Kyon-kun?" What? Oh, maybe she's a mind reader of something. "No, I just thought that you didn't know where my room is because you didn't ask." Oh. Losing in Othello makes my mind very vulnerable. "Oh look, we're already in front of my classroom." What the…? Oh, right. I was so shocked that I forgot we were walking. "I think the costumes are in the box over there," Konata said, pointing to a box in the corner of the room. Man, that box looks heavy. "Oh yes, Kyon-kun, please call me Kona-chan. That's what my friends from my own anime… er, school call me." I knew it. Wait, is she thinking deeply? Well, this is new. Even though I knew her only for half an hour or so, I know that Izumi Konata isn't the meditative type of person. "Kyon-kun?" she asked, as if she just found out the true meaning of life. Crap. Now I'm thinking like Haruhi. "Would you like a lion costume too?" WHAT?!?!?! Oh good, another Haruhi. God, if this is some kind of divine punishment, please just give me leprosy or something. Because I was so dumbfounded, the only word that came out of my mouth was "yes". This is bad. Can I go home now?

I expected Haruhi to yell at me when we returned to the clubroom, but I was pleasantly surprised. She was still reading that novel of hers. What is that novel, anyway? "Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring." That answer came not from Haruhi, but from Yuki, who was reading in another corner of the room. Did the clubroom turn into an extension of the library or something?

Haruhi was so absorbed with her reading that Kona-chan had to call her. This isn't the Haruhi that I know… whoever you are, please don't give the real Haruhi back. "This is very strange," I mutter to myself, but Kona-chan heard me. "Why is it so strange?" she asked with little concern in her voice. "Well normally, Haruhi over there would be ranting about insane things, Yuki would be reading like she is now, Koizumi and I would be playing Othello and I would be winning, and Asahina-san… wait, where's Asahina-san?" "Oh, she went out for a while," Haruhi told me, putting her book aside. "Now, let's get into these costumes!" Then I started running out of the room before anything bad can happen. Since I'm sure that Haruhi will kill me if I didn't change into that ridiculous outfit, I changed in the other room. Wait, isn't this a medieval knight's outfit? Looks authentic. And I bet that it's made out of authentic materials, too. This chain mail weights like it's made up of… well… chains.

When I finally went inside the clubroom, I found out that Haruhi was dressed like one of those Bl**d Elves from World of W**craft (Yes, I play that. Remember the laptops we, ehem, _won_ from the computer club?). Wait, Haruhi is actually dressed in something feminine? I know, she's wearing a Bl**d Knight's outfit, but she actually looks like a girl in that. And Yuki is wearing the same costume that she wore in the movie that we made, and the only difference is that her cape and hat were purple, not black. Wait, what about Kona-chan? I looked behind me and saw her making a peace sign and sporting that cat expression of hers. And she's wearing that lion costume of hers… with boots. What's with the boots?! I mean, wearing a lion costume is weird enough, but boots? Not even Haruhi can think of that. Oh God, smite me now. "Hello every…" I looked and saw Asahina-san in a shocked expression. Well, I can't blame her. Who wouldn't be shocked after leaving a room with normal-looking people and come back to find a… medieval convention? "Okay, Mikuru-chan, here's your costume!" Haruhi said. Oh please let it be the bunny girl costume. Wait, what am I thinking? Bad Kyon! Crap, now I'm calling myself with that ridiculous nickname! Wait, is Haruhi pulling out the bunny girl costume? Yes! Oh, she moved the bunny girl costume aside and took out a robe outfit that could have came out of H**ry Pot**r books. And no, I'm not reading them. My sister does… seriously. I ran out of the room fast as I can. "Oh, Kyon-kun… or should I say Sir Kyon?" That was Koizumi. "Shut up, I'm sure Haruhi has one for you too. "That would be most welcome. I would not be left out that way." What are you saying, you bastard? I mean, you came back at a time when I would rather be staying as hidden as I can, like a deserted island or something.

"Okay, we're done!" When we came to the room, I saw Asahina-san dressed in the robes that Haruhi took out for her… and she had bunny ears. I was about to complain when Haruhi told us that she was a "bunny witch" or something. Haruhi, you sick, twisted… "Oh, it's Koizumi!" Hey, at least let me finish ranting about you. "So, Suzumiya-san, what should I wear?" Koizumi says that while smiling. He actually wants to join this madness? Well he _is_ mad after all. "Koizumi, you can wear this!" Haruhi said, taking out a cowboy costume from Kona-chan's box. "Wait, Haru-chan, that doesn't match our theme!" Haru-chan? Wow. Doesn't match our theme? Right. Come to think of it, those boots that Kona-chan is wearing does look medieval. Hmm? What the heck is Kona-chan holding there? Oh, it's a PFP. And she's playing… Day of Sagittarius IV? WHAT!?!?!? This just keeps getting weirder. "Hey, Kona-chan, I've played 'Day of Sagittarius III'." Wait. Why am I bragging about this, anyway? "You have? But that doesn't even exist!" She says while looking like a child learning about candy or something. "I still have the CD. I can give it to you if you want it." I know she wants it. "Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme!" She does want it, doesn't she? Well, I have no more use for that piece of junk, so I might as well give it away. "Whoa, the legendary 'Day of Sagittarius III'! I finally have you!" Kona-chan says that with sparkling eyes, an expression that it very different from her usual "cat" expression.

"I'm back," Koizumi suddenly says. Wait, did he even leave? Well, he was wearing the costume of the character Le**las from the Lord of the Rings novel. Then, Haruhi took out a bow and some arrows and wanted to give it to Asahina-san, but she is too afraid to even hold them, so she gave them to Koizumi. Wait, where did she get those? Was she expecting that this would happen or something?

After that pointless little, waste of time, the days went by uneventfully. I mean the SOS Brigade version of "uneventful".

Oh yeah, during the weekend, we had to do our weekly patrols around the city. I had to tour Kona-chan around the city for a while. And during that span of time, I learned that Izumi Konata is addicted to anime and video games, and is a normal person. What a relief. At least I'm not suffering alone. Wait, erase that. I think that she is even enjoying her stay with "Haru-chan". Oh, maybe I was Adolf Hitler during my past life. That's the only reason I can conclude for my sufferings.

But something is strange. In every club meeting, Haruhi would not rant about idiotic stuff; she would sit down reading books. In fact, she finished the Lord of the Rings Trilogy in three days, and then read the H**ry Pot**er novels and finished it four days. I was right. Haruhi _is_ becoming more like Yuki. That's good… isn't it? Oh no, Maybe she might remake the world so that I would wake up in the Shire or something, but what are the chances of that?


	2. What The!

**Chapter II**

One month has passed after Izumi Konata into the SOS Brigade, and the club has changed very dramatically in that short span of time. While nothing has actually changed in the Brigade's schedule of things (except for the fact that my Othello winning streak has finally ended thanks to Konata), Haruhi has transformed from an obnoxious anomaly in human form to a silent bookworm obsessed with Western novels (now she started reading C.S. Lewis's "The Chronicles of Narnia"!), Yuki finally chatted with Haruhi (concerning the books that they read), Koizumi's ever-so-present smile finally started to disappear from his face, and Asahina-san seems to be a little less shy on things. I should be happy about that changes, but I feel that something terribly wrong is about to happen.

One seemingly uneventful afternoon, I went home after another club meeting, only to find Koizumi waiting by the front gate of my house. Hey, what the hell are you doing here, you bastard?

"I believe that there is something that demands our immediate attention," he said with the serious expression that he has been wearing all week.

"What do you mean?" Oh no. I sense one of Koizumi's needlessly complicated explanations coming this way.

"To put it simply, all incidences of closed space have disappeared."

"Wait, isn't that supposed to be a good thing?"

"Not exactly. You see, closed space is created when Suzumiya-san becomes frustrated or mentally unstable." Isn't she mentally unstable already?

"Doesn't that only mean that Haruhi isn't frustrated during this past month?" After all, she does have all those novels to read and "Kona-chan" to play around with.

"But Suzumiya-san isn't like that. She can never settle down for a long time."

"Maybe she just got extremely interested with her novels or something." "I think that those novels are part of the problem." Huh? I don't get it. "When did Suzumiya-san begin reading those novels?" "About a month ago, immediately after she introduced Konata to the SOS Brigade," If I remember it correctly, that is.

"Right after she introduced Izumi-san? Then maybe Izumi-san is also a part of the problem." Oh great. Suspect the doodad, why don't you. Can you just tell me what the 'problem' is in the first place?

"Wait, what _is_ the problem?" "I think Suzumiya-san may have recreated this world already."

This is weird. Haruhi recreated the world? I don't see any difference between this world and the old one, except for Haruhi herself, and the existence of the doodad, er… Izumi Konata. "What? How can you say that? You still have your memories, don't you?"

"I can't contact anyone from the 'Organization' I belong to. I even tried to go to our headquarters, but the place doesn't exist anymore." Well, maybe they moved somewhere, you dimwit.

"Maybe they moved somewhere and forgot to tell you." No, wait. They just hate you, that's all.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. You see, a psychic link exists between the members of the 'Organization,' from the leaders to our lowest members. But now I can't establish contact with my colleagues, even with that psychic link. It is as if I am the only esper left in the planet."

Good for you, then. Now go bend some spoons and leave me alone. I'm tired already. "Well, if you put it that way, maybe something _is_ wrong."

"Well, that is everything I can say for now," Koizumi finally said, showing that annoying smile of his again. I should have disagreed with him. Good thing he left after that.

After a few moments of standing outside my own house, I realized that I was hungry, so I went somewhere to eat. I know that wasn't one of my brightest ideas. But after having learned that the world might have been recently recreated, I felt that I need to see more of the world to make sure that Haruhi did not take over the world with a vast clone army of some sort. Well, she didn't. Good.

Then, I came to my senses and decided to eat at home. But on my way home, I think I saw Asahina-san walking around, probably investigating this new world as well.

"Asahina-san? Is that you?"

"Oh, greetings, Kyon. So you have known of the recent changes in reality, I assume?" Wait, this isn't Asahina-san. Hey Nagato, what are you doing disguised as Asahina-san? Cosplay? Naaaaah.

"W-What are you doing here, Asahina-san?" No, wait. I think 'Who are you?' would be a more appropriate question.

"Due to some unforeseeable circumstances, I have lost contact with my colleagues in this epoch." Lost contact? I think I heard this kind of talk from a while ago. "I have also been rendered unable to travel back to my timeline to report of this occurrence."

"Another timequake, then?"

"Precisely. It also seems that all of my colleagues suddenly ceased to exist."

Well, Asahina-san's account of what is happening right now is very similar to Koizumi's. I should tell her what Koizumi told me a while ago.

"Asahina-san, according to Koizumi, his entire 'Organization' disappeared too. I think there might be a connection between his case and yours." Oooh, I sounded pretty smart, didn't I?

"Did he formulate a hypothesis concerning these incidences?" This is… not Asahina-san. Who are you and what have you done with Asahina-san?

I struggled to answer that question. Even if I knew what to answer, Asahina-san's cold attitude made her very intimidating, scary even. "W-Well, Koizumi thinks that Haruhi recreated the world recently."

"That is indeed a possibility. Suzumiya-san might have been dissatisfied with the world and decided to create it anew. But why did all my colleagues, as well as all the espers, suddenly disappear? And why are we still here?" And why did you suddenly turn into a near-perfect replica of Nagato Yuki?

"Is something wrong, Kyon?" I suddenly heard Asahina-san say.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just thought that Yuki might be able to tell us more about this." If Yuki still exists, that is.

"Indeed. Nagato-san might be able to shed more light on this subject, but we have a problem. What if Nagato Yuki did not exist anymore?" Well, that was what I was thinking about a while ago.

"I should check Yuki's apartment, then."

"You should. I would be going home to evaluate what I have learned today."

"See you tomorrow, then?" Asahina-san left without answering. What happened to her all so suddenly?

I'm still confused about the world being recreated, so I decide to visit Yuki. Maybe her Integrated Data thingy has something to say too. When I was about to enter the apartment where Yuki stays, someone called me

"Kyon-kun?"

I hate that nickname. Wait, I know that voice… Konata? No, that's not even close to her seiyu's voice. Darn, I just broke the fourth wall again. But maybe that's because I don't want to accept that _she_ is the one calling me that.

"Hey, Kyon-kun?"

This isn't real. Find my happy place… find my happy place. After I found my happy place, I decided to turn around and face _her_… Yes, my suspicions were true.

"Kyon-kun, why are you looking at me like that?" Yuki said, then she tried to hide her blush. Kyon-kun… Yuki… blush? Does not compute. Thought processes shutting down. is shutting down.

Suddenly, I felt the world shaking. Is it an earthquake? No, it was just someone shaking me. It was Yuki.

"Kyon-kun, wake up!"

"wha…?"

Oh crap. I just spoke like an idiot. Please don't let anyone hear that. But alas, someone did hear. Yuki stopped shaking me. Hey, that came out wrong. Anyway, she looked away and blushed… again?!

"Y-Y-Y-Yuki?!?" Please let her be a malfunctioning clone or something.

"Yes?" she's still looking away. This is bad… no wait, this is good. Whatever happened to you, please stay that way.

That confirms it. The world _was_ recreated. Then my stomach growled. Haruhi, can't you erase the concept of hunger in this new world of yours? My stomach currently reigns supreme over me.

"Hey Yuki, want to go out and eat with me?" Wait, I said that? Yuki, who was looking away, looked at me with surprise clearly written all over her face. Now it's her turn to be surprised. Yuki, surprised? I'm surprised… again.

"Well?"

"Yes."

A/N: I forgot the disclamer on chapter one.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Well except my laptop perhaps.

A/N: Review if want to. Next chapter. "Yuki, Kyon, a Date?!" (still raw… I think I need some tips on this chapter)


	3. Yuki Kyon Date

**Chapter III**

"_Yes_.**"**

…I thought of that one word during the time when we were walking. Whoa… is this a date? I mean, A date? With Yuki Nagato? The silent, book-reading alien in the corner? Whoa… Now that's one of the few things Haruhi did that I actually like. Crap! I actually_ liked _something _Haruhi_ did?! *shivers*

"Where would you like to eat?"

"A-a-anywhere you like, Kyon-kun" Yuki who was looking around got surprised by my sudden question. Kyon-kun? Grr.. that hideous nickname really destroys the mood. Damn that little sister… Hmmm… Where to eat? … Crap! I ask her out, and then I have no idea where we should eat? That's stupid. I think Haruhi's impulsiveness is rubbing onto me.

"KYON!!!!!" Oh crap. I think I recognize that voice. Why now of all times?! Taniguchi was running towards me, I think he did not notice Yuki. What an idiot.

"Hey Kyon! Watcha doin here?" Taniguchi asked. "Well, I _was_ walking till you came." I mumbled. Really, are you an idiot? Can't you see Yuki or something? Wait, you really shouldn't see her. Speaking of Yuki, where is she?

"Whoa! Kyon! Who's that cute girl behind you?!" Oh… so there is Yuki. Crap. He saw her. Taniguchi face became "_enlightened._" Then he smiled. Hey you! Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong. Just go away dimwit. Argh now his smile became a grin.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to _interrupt_." Then he walked away while grinning. Hey! Yuki can you alter his data or something? Yuki was still behind me. I think she became traumatized with Taniguchi or something.

"Yuki, he's gone already." Yuki… _scared_? Now that's something you do not see every day.

Yuki realized she was still behind me. She realized she was still holding…_grabbing_ the back of my shirt then jumped away. "S-s-sorry…" she mumbled while looking at the ground. Man, I think she and Asahina-san had a personality exchange of some kind. You're evil Haruhi! No wait, scratch that. I prefer this kind of Yuki. My stomach, realizing I'm thinking to much, growled. Wha? Did I just say that?

"Hey Yuki, Let's eat at the ramen stand over there." Ichiraku's Ramen Stand… I think recognize that from somewhere. Well whatever. I looked at Yuki. She grabbed my arm and nodded… grabbed… my arm… Yuki Nagato… Anti-social… alien… bookworm… grabbed… arm… Kyon… wha? I never imagined this will ever happen…

"So Yuki, what would you like to eat?" Darn, I think my brain was fried by the turn of events. I mean, asking a person you brought to a _Ramen_ stand what they would like to eat?

"I think I'll have three bowls of pork Kyon-kun.." Yuki's face became serious like when she is in her… "Normal" state. I think I should have brought more money with me. I never knew aliens liked ramen. Maybe… Nah…

"Three bowls of pork ramen and one miso please."

" Hey kid, just a piece of advice, don't let your girlfriend eat too much." The old man said while he was bringing water to us. Damn you, just get on with cooking. Crazy old man. But "girlfriend" doesn't sound bad. Bad Kyon! But seriously… BAD!! KYON!!

"Here's your order. Don't worry kid, I used diet noodles on your girlfriend's ramen." He whispered the last part to me with a wink. I almost sprayed water to my food. "Dammit she's not my girlfriend!" Crap… Yuki stopped eating then stared at me looking surprised, then looked down on her ramen. She stopped eating. "ah… hehehe…' I just scratched the back of my head then smiled. Crap, you didn't hear that. You seriously, absolutely didn't hear that. Oh God smite me now or something. Yuki just blushed then started eating again. Phew.

"Ah… young love… I remember while I was experiencing that." He said then walked away. Yuki choked on her ramen. I patted her back. Gently, of course. The old man just smirked. Damn you! Do all old people think like this?

Well except for that, our dinner was uneventful. I paid for six bowls of ramen. I actually didn't eat anything because of the old man. It's still early so Yuki and I decided to walk around the park. We were talking about random things then I remembered my… 'true' purpose on going to her house.

"Hey Yuki, don't you have something to say about losing contact with the Integrated Data thingy or something?" Yuki stopped. Damn you Kyon! Why now of all times… *sigh*

"Kyon-kun, how did you know about that?" Yuki became serious. Then I told her about my meeting with Koizumi and Asahina-san.

"Yeah. So I thought I should ask your opinion on this" Yuki mumbled a 'thanks' then smiled. Hey would you stop smiling already? I mean I can't think well if you act cutesy like that. Wait, I think she's cute? Well she _is_ cute so I think there should be a no argument. Damn it! Focus Kyon… Focus… Wait, I'm calling myself "Kyon" now? Darn. Wait, focus, FOCUUUUUS!!!

"Kyon-kun, I think that they're right."

"What?" Seriously, what are we talking about again?

"Aren't you listening Kyon-kun?" Yuki pouted. Dammit, now I can't even think right.

"O-of course I'm listening. My mind just wandered for awhile." Isn't that the same as saying I'm not listening?

"Hmp..." Oh no now she's angry. She puffed her cheek then crossed her arms. I suddenly remember Haruhi. After a few seconds, she started to explain. I think she's not angry anymore… weird… Crap… I'm not listening…Again.

"-so that's why I think that they're right." At least I heard this part, I can now answer.

"Oh, so what can we do now?"

"I think we should wait for something to happen first. At least that's what I think." She answered while in a 'thinking' position. At least her mind still works like the old Nagato.

"Right. Anyway, wanna watch a movie or something?"

"W-wha?" It seems that she was surprised. Who wouldn't be? I, myself, was surprised. But, I think I still can afford movies…or something, and it's still early so why not?

"I-I think a movie would be nice."

When we went to the movie house, I saw that all of the featured movies are either horror or splatter movies. Oooh, we should really watch so that when Yuki gets scared, she'll… what the?!? I'm starting to think like Taniguchi!

"That was very informative, Kyon-kun. I really gathered a lot of data watching that movie." Yes, Yuki wasn't scared at all. I think she was more scared of Taniguchi. The movie wasn't really that great anyway. The acting was very amateur, the effects were mediocre, and the scares: pathetic. Really, that movie was a walking cliché. I can't believe that it became a hit last week. And oh yes, I think I remember something about hearing the cameraman sneeze in one scene. In short, that movie sucked. In fact, it completely destroyed my day. Yuki seemed to enjoy it, though.

"Hey Kyon-kun, what's the time?" Come to think of it, it is already late.

"About 9:30… Let's go, I'll walk you home."

"Thanks." Yuki said then she smiled at me. That completed my day again.

The walk to Yuki's home was uneventful. Except when we reached her place, her landlord was looking at me. Grinning. Damn you! Don't you have something to do?

"Well, Thanks for accompanying me Kyon-kun." Yuki said while she was opening her door. "Would you like have some tea before you go?"

"No thanks," I'm full" But, really I would like to. If it isn't this late.

"Uhm…" Yuki is staring at me. But when she realized that I was also looking at her, she looked away.

"Uh… Well I think I should be going now." But really I would like to stay. Crap… Did I just think of that?

"…Yea… Goodnight Kyon-kun." She sounds disappointed.

"Yea… Night…" I think I really should go home now. I kinda realized I forgot to tell my parents I will be going out. Oh, what the heck. They will forgive me anyway.

"Hey mom, I'm home." Oh yeah, I just got home. Crap.

"Hey Kyon-_kun_" Crap… I think there is something wrong with mom. Why can't you just welcome me with an angry mood like other parents? I mean, why the heck are you smiling?!

"Yes?" *shiver*

"Why did you come home late today?" Well, from the look of your face, I think you already know.

"I just had to do some… _things_." I have to get out of here… fast.

"Oh, okay." She still had that look.

"Hey listen! Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong!" I just confirmed whatever it is she's thinking, didn't I?

"Oh, but I'm not thinking of anything." Damn, why won't that look go away?

"I-I'm going to my room. Don't bother me!"

"Whatever you say, Kyon_-kun_, whatever you say."

As I climbed the stairs, I didn't notice my dad standing in front of me with a huge grin in his face. This is bad. This is _definitely_ bad.

"Finally, my boy has become a man!" What the!? Another one?!

"W-what are you saying?!" Did I just stutter?!

"Oh, nothing much… a little of this, a little of that…" Then what's that smile suppose to mean? Oh wait, what's that _grin_ suppose to mean?! What with you old people smiling like that?

"Anyway I'm going to my room. I have classes early in the morning tomorrow! Goodnight!" Something feels wrong.

"But its Saturday tomorrow… but I suppose you will still be leaving early tomorrow." Oh. That went wrong. I decided not to argue with my dad because that might lead to more trouble. I just went inside my room, dropped on the bed, and fell asleep.

Disclaimer: I still don't own the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya…

A/N: …hmmm… Review anyone who wants to. If you don't want to, then don't. *yawns* sleepy…


	4. Yoda? Zero? RAW

**Chapter IV**

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I woke up pretty early the next morning, still thinking about the "date" with Yuki last night (*sigh*). Then, I suddenly thought about what the other brigade members told me. So Haruhi recreated the world without using closed space, erased all supernatural beings from existence, and only left out the members of the SOS Brigade probably because she wanted them for her club. To summarize that, Haruhi made the world a more boring place to live in. Wow, thanks a lot, Haruhi. Well, she did turn Nagato Yuki into this sweet, charming little angel *sigh*, so I guess that this world isn't so bad after all.

Even if I did get all of those, something still isn't right. Why would Haruhi, who is practically obsessed with all things supernatural, erase all supernatural beings from existence? And what connection does Konata have with all of this? I thought about all of this while I looked into my wardrobe to find my clothes for the weekly brigade meeting, and I suddenly slipped because I was thinking too much. Wait, my wardrobe isn't this big. And where did all this snow come from? And what the hell is a forest doing inside my wardrobe?!? This is bad. I must be dreaming. I tried to wake myself up, to no avail. So I am awake. I decided to go back to my room, but my wardrobe's door was gone. Great. Now I'm stuck in a cold pine forest inside my own wardrobe. Thanks a lot, Haruhi.

Being stuck in a cold pine forest, I knew that I would become a Kyonsicle if I hang around there in my pajamas. Brrrr, it's _too_ cold! Where's a coat when you need one? I looked at the point where I came from and saw that my clothes neatly hung there. This _is_ a wardrobe, after all. I put on some thicker clothes, and then I started to venture into the forest, looking for some food and shelter from the cold.

"Excuse me, young one, but lost, you seem to be." I looked behind me and saw a two-foot green alien thing that looked pretty old. Wait, that's the Jedi Master Yoda, isn't it? I'm a fan, you know.

"A son of Adam you are, are you not?" Son of Adam? The first time I encountered the name "Adam" is when I was supposed to read something about Christian doctrine. Adam and his wife Eve are supposed to be that first humans ever created. If that is so, then I _am_ a son of Adam, in a sense.

"You can say that."

"Then the other ones, where are?" Other ones? What does he mean by that?

"Other ones?" hey, that should remain inside a thought bubble or something!

"Five of you there are, the prophecy says. One true son of Adam and two true daughters of Eve, one adopted son of Adam, and one adopted daughter of Eve, there must be." The true son of Adam should be me. Haruhi, despite her reality-bending powers and endless insanity, might still be a human, so she also counts as a daughter of Eve. Then who are the other three? Wait, Asahina-san is a normal human, right? Then she might be the other "daughter of Eve". If that is so, then the "adopted children" are Koizumi and Nagato. Wow, Master Yoda just described the whole SOS Brigade!

"I think I know who those 'other ones' might be, but I don't know where they are now."

"If that is so, then find them, we should." Find them? How can we do that? I mean, this _is_ a pretty big place. And what the heck is it about a "prophecy"? You mean, I'm supposed to save Haruhi's new world (which she was considerate enough to build inside my wardrobe) from… I don't know… evil?

"How can we find them?" Seriously.

"Use the Force, we will, young one." I was expecting that he would say something like that. He _is_ Master Yoda, after all.

Before I could reply, Master Yoda sat down on the snow and started to meditate. Maybe he is trying to sense the presence of the other four Brigade members. Cool. Ack, that was cool?! … Yep.

"In here, four others are, scattered around the land. Lost, they might be, so find them, we must."

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Hello everyone. Since Kyon-kun cannot be in two different places at the same given time, therefore he is not able to see what is happening in my line of sight and this rendering him incapable of narrating from my point of view in the present, I , Itsuki Koizumi, shall act as the narrator in his stead.

As I woke up this morning, I, with my ESP of course, sensed that something incredible might happen this day. I might have lost my colleagues, but I still carry out my duty of making sure that Suzumiya-san does not become agitated or mentally unstable. But I do admit that this duty is harder without the help of my colleagues. For in fact, one is more effective when working with others than when working alone. That is, if I do say so myself.

In order to go to school, I took the cab as I always did, but something happened that was totally extraordinary. The driver of the cab I was riding on suddenly disappeared from the plane of existence, and the cab, which seemed to have taken on a life of its own, started to defy the existence of gravity in the universe. As if by some sort of mysticism, the seemingly ordinary cab that I rode in turned into a flying car that could have easily been from one of those novels that Suzumiya-san read before. This could only be the work of Suzumiya-san.

While inside the flying car, the initial thought that my mind produced was that I had to get out of the car immediately. But then, being the inquisitive creature that I am, I decided to remain inside this creation by Suzumiya-san to see where it may take me. Suddenly, it passed through a wall and crashed into a snowy pine forest just behind that brick wall. I assumed that I have landed in Suzumiya-san's new world.

Since I don't think that I can get out of this place soon, I decided to do some exploring for a while. As I was walking around in the snowy pine forest, I saw something heading this way. It had a shade that signifies the absence of color, and was pulled by a couple of reindeers. As I looked to the direction of that moving object, I saw that it was some sort of sleigh, kind of like the things you would see in Siberia. I continued looking at it with utmost interest, so I didn't sense its presence coming closer to where I am, so it almost ran me over, if I hadn't dodged at the last minute.

I didn't think that the sleigh would stop after it almost ran me over. It seems that the people riding in the sleigh noticed me. Out of the sleigh came a very strange trio: the sleigh's driver (who looked like a cyborg with an artificial eye blue-green hair), a man dressed in a dark purple suit with a long cape and a strange helmet, and a woman with green hair, wearing a black dress. If you put into consideration the modern society's standard of beauty, then the green-haired woman is very beautiful indeed.

The strange people from the sleigh turned their attention on me. I may have only come here in this place to observe Suzumiya-san's new world, but it is still interesting to meet new people. Espers, like humans, after all, are social creatures, taking delight in interacting with new people. In fact, our desire for social interaction is one of the reasons why we created the "Organization". So, with nothing but friendly interaction in my mind, I turned to face the rather strange figures.

"Hello. My name is Itsuki Koizumi. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"How dare you talk to the Queen of Narnia like that!" the cyborg answered me. The "Queen"? I thought that since this was Suzumiya-san's new world, she would be the one who would be crowned as queen. But the existence of this "queen" proves otherwise, since a country divided in itself cannot stand, and there can only be one sovereign head in a kingdom. So, I think that apologies are necessary for this one.

"Oh. My most humble apologies, Your Majesty. I did not know."

After that apology, the masked man talked to the cyborg, who was still ready to kill me in order to protect his queen's honor.

"Stand down, Sir Orange." After saying that, the masked man turned to me. "Greetings. I am Lord Zeromort, the Queen's royal advisor. From what I can see, you are not from these parts, no?"

"Indeed. I am from somewhere else."

When I said that I was from "somewhere else", the Queen, who was standing beside Lord Zeromort, stepped forward and said something about me being an "adopted son of Adam". Well, according to the Jewish and Christian religions, "Adam" is the name of the first human being to come to existence. If that were so, then all humans are "children of Adam". But since I'm not entirely human, that title wouldn't apply to me. But that wasn't the title that the Queen used, was it? The title was "_adopted_ son of Adam". Now, basing from the sense of adoption, adopted son of Adam could mean any anthromorphic creature that has residence on Earth. Therefore, I _am_ an "adopted son of Adam", aren't I?

"You can say that."

"Where are the other ones, then?" The Queen asked me. She must be talking about Suzumiya-san and the others. See, If Suzumiya-san really created this world, then she must really be one of the "other ones" of which the Queen speaks of. And if Suzumiya-san is here, then Kyon-kun must be here as well. Asahina-san and Nagato-san were not erased from existence, and I am here (because I think that Suzumiya-san prizes Asahina-san and Nagato-san over myself), they should be here too. And I don't really know why, but I think I really want to tell the Queen what I really know.

"I don't know where they are now, but since you have this entire kingdom to do your bidding, I believe that we can find them, Your Majesty." For some reason, I really want to help the Queen to find the others. I can't understand myself since I saw the so-called Queen.

"You are pretty wise, esteemed one," Lord Zeromort, who was listening to our conversation, told me.

"Indeed he is. From this time forward, let it be known that Itsuki Koizumi, adopted son of Adam, shall be a member of my royal council as one of my trusted advisors."

"I thank you for the chance to serve you, My Queen."

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A/N: Ummm... If you think this Chap was done hurriedly, you're right. We did this while having exams, esca-ehem- not attending Assemblies and more exams. Anyways, we can improve this... maybe next week. Anyone can give their suggestions. Yeah, that's all...


	5. Agent one

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A/N:(nliev): yey 2 chaps this week!!!!

**Chapter V- Agent One**

_Around A.D. 2247_

I was peacefully hibernating inside my hi-pressure capsule until it suddenly opened and the hologram projecting device in front of it suddenly came to life, showing the projection of a man in a high-ranking military officer's uniform.

"Greetings, Agent One." Oh, it's the Controller. I would be given a mission… must be another terrorist leader I have to eliminate.

Unfortunately, I won't be killing any terrorist, or anyone, for that matter in the course of this mission. According to the Controller, a "time quake", a phenomenon that results in the formation of large rifts in time (which no time-traveling technology can pass through) has occurred recently, leaving an abnormally large time fault near the beginning of the 21st century. This is very troubling, since the ages before the 21st century hold a great significance to us. The epicenter of that time quake, according to our sources, was a human female from the third administrative region of the Pacific Blue Zone (then referred to as "Japan") Suzumiya Haruhi.

According to the Controller, scientific experiments on Ms. Suzumiya, while potentially rewarding, is also very risky, since according to data collected from the Integrated Data Thought Entity (who observed Ms. Suzumiya centuries ago), Ms. Suzumiya can unconsciously bend reality to her will. So, the only way for us to observe Suzumiya Haruhi is to send an agent who (1) is a master at blending into society, (2) is able to disguise herself as a shy, innocent, naïve schoolgirl, and (3) whose physical appearance can be readily altered in order to catch Ms. Suzumiya's attention would be caught. And yes, the agent to be sent should be a female, since Ms. Suzumiya considers all males (with the exception of one) unimportant. Since I fit all the criteria, the organization elected to send me, which I agreed to.

When I asked what name I should use in order to disguise myself, the Controller told me to use the name of the Supreme Commander of the Pacific Blue Zone's daughter. That means I have to use the name **Asahina Mikuru**.

_Present day_

Before I start narrating the events before I landed in Narnia, I must first tell you a few details. These "details" should be classified information, but since my employers have disappeared, I should tell you everything:

Name: none. I have assumed many fake identities throughout my career.

Aliases: Agent One, the Executioner, etc. current alias: Asahina Mikuru

Age: eight years old as of my original timeline. I have undergone growth acceleration processes (thus I have the mind of a hardened veteran), thought acceleration processes (I can think faster than your normal 21st century supercomputer), and numerous genetic, as well as physical alterations in order to succeed in my missions.

Nationality: none. Evidence suggests that I was born in a military facility somewhere near New Leningrad, near the Russian Red Zone.

Mission: to observe Suzumiya Haruhi and the other time disturbances she might cause.

I am a genetically modified human being from the future. Originally, my employers created me to be the perfect assassin, but I have been assigned to this mission because of my ability to "blend in" to normal society, regardless of the time period. Other information is no longer deemed necessary. The narration will begin shortly.

My mission, to observe Suzumiya Haruhi and see if she might cause any other time disturbances, went on smoothly for several months (there was that one time when my left contact lens fell off and my sidearm, the standard-edition left eye laser, was almost exposed… Suzumiya-san called my sidearm the "Mikuru beam"). Of course, you all know of the psychological "torture" I have experienced during that time with Suzumiya-san (All that "torture" would most certainly break the spirit of a mere amateur, but I am Agent One; I can never be broken. That might be the reason why I was the one chosen for this mission.), and the experiences I had while interacting with Kyon (if I'm not mistaken, he is one of those people you 21st century types would call "pervert"), so I see no reason for me to repeat those mundane subjects.

We go now to several months after I first landed on this time period, just one about one month after North High's cultural festival. As I have mentioned before, my mission went along smoothly, as I was able to relay vast amounts of information about Suzumiya-san and the timequake to the scientists in my timeline (as well as assassinate some of the ancestors of the most prominent members of a major terrorist organization before they even graduated from high school). But one day, on the exact date that I mentioned earlier, something went horribly wrong.

I deliver weekly reports to mission control at 1800 every Friday. But one Friday, I cannot seem to establish any contact with HQ. I also tried to contact my colleagues, but none of them were answering. There was only one explanation that I thought of for this scenario: a rival organization raided our primary HQ in this timeline, killed off everyone in there, and destroyed our communications beacon so that any remaining agents can no longer establish contact. In order to prove this theory of mine, I went to the main HQ, which is conveniently located one train ride away from where I set up my home base.

When I went to the location of the primary HQ, I saw that there was nothing there (you see, the HQ just looks like an ordinary house from the outside, the real HQ is located under that house). If a rival organization really did attack, I would be able to see some ruins. But in this moment, there was really nothing in there. It was as if the HQ never existed. I tried contacting my colleagues a second time, but I didn't receive any reply from them. It was also as if they never existed. . _This couldn't have been done by hostiles_, I thought to myself. Then, another explanation was brought up by my mind: _this could only be the work of Suzumiya Haruhi_. Since Suzumiya-san had reality-bending powers (as I have seen in my observations), it is a great possibility that she erased all of my colleagues. But there is one flaw to that theory: Suzumiya-san is obsessed with all things supernatural, such as time travelers like me. If that is so, then why would she erase all the time travelers from existence? I needed answers, so I went back to my home base (house). Hopefully, the backup files of all the observations I made about Suzumiya-san (as well as the cache of weapons that I keep hidden under the bathroom floor) are not yet erased from existence.

As I was walking home (it was around 1900 by that time), I saw someone walking in front of me. Since no one from the SOS Brigade is here, I can kill that person if he or she is a member of a rival organization, or if he happens to be that pervert Kyon… Oh, speak of the devil, it _is_ Kyon. Instead of killing him, I decided to hold a conversation with him (he might have some answers). If you want to know about the details of the conversation, I advise that you read Chapter 2. As you can see in that chapter, I dropped the cute act and started to talk to Kyon using my own personality, which pretty much worked to my advantage (Kyon had fear written all over his face that time). Normally, I wouldn't even think about doing that, but this is an emergency situation, and my cute act would just get in the way of resolving this crisis. And yes, I'm breaking the fourth wall, and I don't regret doing that.

After that little talk with Suzumiya-san's pet pervert, I decided to go home and think this over. I found that my data and my weapons still exist. So, Itsuki Koizumi's colleagues also disappeared… this is getting stranger by the minute. I should just get a good night's rest and try to visit HQ again the following day; there might be clues in there as to what really happened. Yes, that is the course of action that I should take. But as of this time, I should go over all the data that I have gathered. After I re-examined my data, I took a short nap for 14,232.89 seconds, then I prepared to visit ground zero (that is, the ground where the main HQ once stood). By 0600, the primitive "alarm clock" that I keep inside my quarters went off. I almost forgot that it's Saturday, the day that the SOS Brigade spends wandering around the city for no apparent reason… I should just skip that. This _is_ an emergency, after all. And since this is an emergency, I took a beam saber with me, just in case.

I arrived at the train station at about 0714, and when I put my hands on a wall, I phased through the wall into an old-fashioned London train station. _Whatever_, I thought to myself. Why am I not surprised? Oh, right. Suzumiya-san read one of those novels which featured going to a wizard school of some sorts via a train station inside a wall. Well, I should just read one of those train cars so that I can see where it will take me, even thought I probably know that place anyway. I snuck inside one of those train cars, and then remained alert as the train goes of to who-knows-where.

The train stopped in an abandoned station in the middle of an abandoned forest. I was really expecting a huge castle, though. So, if Koizumi's theory is correct, this should be Suzumiya-san's new world. I had no idea where I was, so as inconspicuously as I can, I searched around the area for some signs of life, holding my beam saber at the ready in case they were hostile. The search was fruitless though, as I saw no living organism in the immediate 50-meter perimeter around the station. I decided to look deeper into the pine forest.

I thought I heard a rustling noise from somewhere, so I took out my light saber. Then, I heard an all too familiar voice: Kyon. It seems that he was walking around with someone I should know as well. Since I heard that the people walking towards my direction were Kyon and someone that I should know, I judged that they were friendly, but I can't be too sure; that might be a disguise. With those thoughts in mind, I dove into a nearby bush, effectively concealing myself from whoever would come this way. If anyone who would come this way is proven to be a suspicious character, they would be dead before they know what hit them.

-End Transmission-

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A/N (confessor cabal): I had to cut this chapter short because it was getting too long. This story will continue in the first parts of the next chapter. Oh yes, the Controller's name is Monogram… get it?

A/N (nliev): I didn't write this chapter, Yeah. Right, this story is written by us. Yeah.


	6. Konabeaverchan

**Chapter 6**

I positioned myself well in that bush with my beam saber at the ready, like a coiled serpent waiting to strike. As I waited for my "prey", I thought about the consequences that would happed in I made a mistake and really killed Kyon. Well, I think we all know what would happen if I did kill Kyon… the universe would end. There is a chance, though, that Suzumiya-san would change the world back to normal, thus enabling me to go home, if I _did_ kill Kyon. But then, that would only happen if Suzumiya-san is not as unstable as she is now. So, the "Kyon" who would pass by this bush I am hiding in has to be a fake, or else.

A few seconds later, Kyon and an old, small, green alien passed by the bush. Kyon passed by without noticing anything, but the alien stopped dead when he walked directly in front of me. He must have sensed my presence. I guess I have no choice, then. Against the dictates of my instincts, I activated my beam saber then jumped forward, aiming for the alien's head.

It turns out that the "alien" I am targeting was the Jedi Master Yoda (I watched the entire series during my free time). He easily dodged me launched a counterattack with his light saber before I can react. I instinctually jumped back just in time, so I wasn't hurt. After that, I moved to launch another attack, but Master Yoda threw lightning at me, but I blocked it with my beam saber… wait, isn't Master Yoda supposed to be a Jedi? Force lightning is a Sith technique, right? When I looked at Kyon, and I saw that he was as surprised as I was. When I looked at Master Yoda's direction again, he was already hurtling towards me with incredible speed, his light saber ready to slash at my neck. I dodged his strike just in time, but I saw later that he wasn't aiming for my neck: he was aiming for that ghost thing which suddenly appeared behind me. That, as well as Kyon's intervention, stopped that short battle.

"An evil person, you are not. Only wary, you are." Then, Master Yoda turned to Kyon and asked, "My Padawan, this person, do you know?"

"I do, Master. She is one of the people I told you about."

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"Where am I?"

Hey, this looks like Narnia. Well, let's get crackin. *Sees a box of costumes* (Please don't ask. Just don't ask) "Ooooh… what's that?" I took the box and kept on walking.

Wait, is that Haru-chan? Right, I will convince her to wear one of the costumes with me.

"walking… deshou, deshou? …" (Humming)

"Where am I?"

All I remember, I was lying in my bed thinking where we should go to find some interesting things. A vampire for example… or maybe a foreign person who has amazing powers. Then, when I woke up, I was here, in a clearing in the middle of a forest, wearing my winter clothes. Well, good thing I was wearing a coat, because it was snowing here. And this world looks just like Narnia. Hey, maybe aliens came and terraformed the world while I was asleep! Good… I should find Kyon and the others to assist me, the Brigade Chief, in investigating this alien-infested world.

"I believe you…" (Still humming) Hey, I know that voice. "Hey Kona-chan! Where are you?"

"Right here, Haru-chan."

"Oh. There you are! Come on; let's find the other Brigade members!"

"Sure."

"Hey wait, Kona-chan, can't you be a little more enthusiastic about this? You're more bored than Kyon!"

"Well Haru-chan, if we talk to each other quickly, *ya Hira**-sama would get tired."

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing. Should we go look for the others?"

"Right. Well, let's go over there!"

We started walking towards a thick part of the pine forest when we were suddenly saw a strangely-shaped house, which looked like it was raided by… criminals! This is another case for the ultra-detective! But wait, I should go find the other brigade members first. But if I do that, no one would be able to solve this crime! Oh, this world has a lot of things to offer. I like it!

After that, some orcs attacked us from nowhere. "Away, you monsters! Back, or face the awesome skills of the Brigade Chief! To stand up against oppressors and fight for good is what the warriors of light do!" They decided to stay and fight rather than run. They are orcs, after all. "Oh, so you decide to stay and fight, eh? Then prepare to lose!"

Before I can get in my fighting pose, a tree fell on the orcs' heads. "Ha! You've just seen the awesome power of the Brigade Chief! What do you have to say for yourself now!? Oh, nothing, because you're all flat! Eat that, orcs!" Wait, where did Kona-chan go? She must have ran away when she saw the orcs.

"Yo" Somehow, this voice sounds like Kona-chan. When I faced the owner of the voice, I saw a _standing_ beaver. Oooh… Interesting.

"Hello...?"

"Call me Kona-beaver." Kawaii…

"Hello, Kona-beaver-chan, I'm Haruhi, the chief of the awesome SOS Brigade!!"

"Oooh… Can I join this Brigade?" Kona-beaver-chan said with eyes shaped like stars. I think I will like Kona-beaver-chan.

"Sure!!" Amazing!! I found talking beaver!

"Wait, you're a human, right? We should be going, Haru-chan."

"What? Where?"

"To Rohan, we will meet Aslan there." Aslan? Sounds like a wise old wizard of sorts. Ooohh… maybe were going to some sort of a war to save this country. This is so cool!!!

"Oh. Okay!!! Then as Brigade Chief, I say we go to Rohan! But first, I must find the other Brigade members! We have a mission to do and they're slacking off!" I did my "BrigadeChief" pose. "Let's go!"

Kona-beaver-chan copied my pose. "Yeah!!"

_Somewhere in the forest, one hour later._

I'm sooooo bored. After the incident with those stupid orcs, nothing was happening. Then, we stopped by a beaver dam on the frozen lake.

"Wait, Haru-chan. Let's stop here; I have to go get my friends." Ooooh, there's more than one talking beaver? Wow!

When we entered the dam, I saw three more beavers.

"Oh, so you're back, Konata… beaver," the purple-haired beaver with long hair and pigtails told Kona-beaver-chan.

"It is good that you're safe, Kona-beaver-san," the pink-haired beaver said.

Another purple-haired beaver (this one has short hair) went out from the kitchen. "Oh, Kona-chan, we have a visitor!" she exclaimed. She seems really happy to have a visitor in the dam.

"Hey guys! This is Haruhi, a human," Kona-beaver-chan replied to them.

Then the beavers held a discussion about me. "A human!? Amazing! We should go and bring this human to Aslan right away!" The long-haired beaver with the purple hair said.

"Oh, but we should introduce ourselves first, Kagami-beaver-san," the pink-haired beaver told her.

"Of course you should," Kona-beaver chimed in.

"Oh, then I'm Kagami-beaver," the purple-haired beaver with the long hair told me.

"I'm Miyuki-beaver," the pink-haired beaver said.

"And I'm Tsukasa-beaver," the short-haired beaver said.

"Okay then! Now that we're done with the introductions, let's go!"

"But wait! Aren't there supposed to be other humans?" Miyuki-beaver asked.

"We'll look for them on the way to Rohan. All Narnians who don't support the Witch must all want to bring them to Aslan too, so they're in good hands," Kona-beaver answered.

Wait, talking beavers? Aslan? The Witch? I now know what's going on! I landed in Narnia!

"Okay everyone, let's go meet Aslan!"

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A/N (confessor cabal): I kind of used names from different sources to name the regions of Narnia.

A/N (nliev): *snores* *awakens* Huh? i kinda helped here but i still didn't help much this chap..Yeah. why? exams exams projects.... exams...Yeah.


	7. the gingerbread house of DOOM

**Chapter VII**

"_In here, four others are, scattered around the land. Lost, they might be, so find them, we must."_

Four others, huh? Must be Haruhi and the rest of the SOS Brigade. I'm sure that Haruhi would be here, at least. I'm not so sure about the others. In fact, this might just be another dream of Haruhi's. Remember the time when we were inside that closed space? Well don't remind me, I don't want to remember that.

"Get moving, we must." A little impatient, aren't we? What happened to the "patience" part of the Jedi creed? Maybe it's an emergency. Maybe he senses a disturbance in the Force or something. "Yes, Master."

"A disturbance, I sense," Master Yoda said. Wait, I predicted what he will say? I _was_ intended to be an esper, after all. Wait, you didn't read that.

We ventured deeper into the forest shortly after that. We were minding our own business walking around in the forest when we were suddenly jumped. Seriously, who does that? Wait, is that… I don't want to believe it.

Asahina-san suddenly jumped from out of the bushes, brandishing a light saber thingy. Wait, a light saber!? I know that Asahina-san has changed when all this began, but this is… too much. And she's coming this way!

"A-A-Asahina-san! What are you doing!?"

"Target acquired. Terminating." This is bad. This is _way_ too bad. Good thing Master Yoda protected me.

Well, I don't think that neither Asahina-san nor Master Yoda would listen to me, especially if they're fighting an epic light saber duel, and I think this only comes once in a lifetime, so I just watched. Ooohh… Asahina-san is actually good at fighting. Hey, I think you're kinda destroying the forest… No wait, they _are_ destroying the forest.

Hey wait! Oh… they didn't stop. Come to think of it, did I even say that? Hey Isn't that 'Force Lightning'? Isn't that a _Sith_'s ability? Oh crap… Master is going to slice Asahina-san's neck! I gotta save her. Even if she is becoming a little weird… really weird lately, she is still a part of the brigade… Urgh… Why won't my body move!! Damn it, MOVE!!

Hey, what's that behind Asahina-san? I think I know… from one of the Har*y Pot**r novels Mom gave my sister on her birthday… a dark-colored ghost thing of some sort. What do you call that? I know that it starts with a "d". Wait, they're everywhere! I better run… Oh… I realized I can move again, so I ran towards Master to stop him from chopping Asahina-san head off. But, I realized I won't be able to reach it in time. Whatever… Damn it, Haruhi, why can't you give us special abilities every time you bring us to your dream world? Then it happened. Master sliced Asahina-san's head… Wait… It didn't fell off; the thing behind her disappeared instead, along with the others. That means… Seriously?! Ugh, my brain hurts! Can't we a have a coffee break of some kind?

While I'm still dumbstruck…Master Yoda began talking, then he turned to me and said, "My Padawan, this person, do you know?" …What just happened? *sigh* At least I think I can answer Master Yoda's question.

"I do, Master. She is one of the people I told you about." *sigh* I feel stupid.

* * *

"Umm… where am I?"

I looked around. I can see that I am in a forest. But where? There is no data about this forest. Wait… come to think of it; it seems that I can't connect to the Integrated Data Thought Entity. It really looks like Suzumiya-san recreated the world.

"Ugrkk… *squeals*" What was that? This forest is scary… I think I should find Kyon-kun… and the others too. I walked around forest in random directions. Well, I was lost in the first place, so I won't get lost anymore… I really wish Kyon-kun and the others were here. Hey, what's that? A house? Maybe I can go there and ask for directions. When I came near the house, I realized that it was made of… sweets: candy, cakes, candy canes and some other sweet things… my stomach grumbled…

"Well, maybe I can eat a little…" I said as I was about to grab a piece of cake, which also happens to be a part of the house's wall. At first, I bit just a little part to taste it.

"Hmm… sweet..." I mumbled as I took another bite. I kind of have a liking for sweet things. Suddenly, a hand came out of nowhere tapped my shoulder.

"Kyaaa!" I dropped the piece of cake I was holding then ran towards the back of the house (I think). I still remember that movie Kyon-kun and I watched.

"Oh… don't be afraid little girl, you can eat as much as you want." Maybe it's the owner. I need to go and apologize.

"Umm… sorry… I was hungry and I thought… maybe… and… and… ummm." I was really sorry, but I am still scared of the person. (She was looking downwards when she was apologizing so she still hadn't seen the person's face.). Then, my stomach grumbled again. I felt embarrassed. I looked at the person. She is an old woman. She looks like the witch in some fairy tales I've read. Err… I think saying that to a person whose house you tried to eat is bad.

"As I said, it's alright; you can eat as much as you want. On the second thought, come in, I'll cook something for you; it is lunch time anyway. " Oh, maybe this person is good after all.

"T-thanks, and s-sorry again…" I realized that when hunger comes, one must accept food. As I went inside the house, I realized that it was too, made up of sweets.

"Please sit down while I prepare _something_." I felt something different on that person's voice. Maybe I should've not taken her offer.*grumble* But, it seems my stomach thinks otherwise.

"Here you go, eat and fatte- I mean- eat until you're full" She is scary.

"ah… thanks again…" It was a bowl of ramen. Ooohh… ramen…

As I was slurpi –eating the ramen, the old woman left. Wait, why do I feel sleepy?

"Wha-" I was going to say 'what's happening' but my mind just blacked out.

"All set for your journey, are you?" Master Yoda asked the Asahina-san and me after he told us about the prophecy and Aslan's return and whatnot. It seems that Haruhi brought us to quite the situation here. It turns out that this place inside my wardrobe is actually Narnia (which isn't that surprising, isn't it?), and the Green Witch exercises absolute control of the entire land, trapping it in a long winter. But this time, a hundred years after the Green Witch's ascension to the throne of Narnia, Aslan, the True King, returns to rescue his people and his kingdom with the help of two "true children" and three "adopted children" of Adam and Eve, which, as I guessed earlier, turns out to be the SOS Brigade.

From what I can see, Master Yoda traveled throughout the land since Aslan's return, searching for the children of Adam and Eve. He found two, at least, and he will be taking Asahina-san, as well as myself, to the region of Rohan, where Aslan set up his camp. Well, since I'm already here and there seems to be no way out of this frozen wasteland, I decided to help out. Master Yoda also promised to train me in the ways of the Force when we reach Rohan, which is pretty much a good thing (becoming a Jedi knight was one of my childhood dreams, you know).

As we were beginning our journey, I asked Master Yoda about the others. Aren't we supposed to find them as well? "Meet them on the way to Rohan, we will, young one," was his reply. Well, since he _is_ Master Yoda, I trusted those words of his. But I still have this gut feeling that something is wrong when we passed by an odd-looking house. You know, like the fairy tale when those two children went inside the gingerbread house then… whatever. I have to tell the other two.

"Master, I think something is very wrong about this 'edible' house. We should investigate it."

"I agree with Kyon, Master. The existence of this building is questionable," Asahina-san said. Structure… it looks strange, but it can't possibly be made entirely out of gingerbread… can it? Oh, it _is_ made out of gingerbread. That only means that something sinister is going on inside that house. Or someone is really hungry.

"Serve you well, your insight does, young ones," Master Yoda told us. Then he turned to me.

"Go inside the house alone, you must, and someone dear to you, you must rescue. We wary, for lurking inside, danger is. Waiting in the clearing up ahead, we will be." Now, what exactly does he mean by that? I respect and admire Master Yoda, and I consider him very wise, but there are times that I wish that he could be less cryptic. Oh well. Better go in there. Wait, _I'm_ doing the manual labor again? *sigh* Some things never change. And if there is danger in that house, why the hell am I going to barge in there without a weapon of some sort? Oh wait, Asahina-san handed me her light saber. Good.

When I entered the house, I immediately smelled something burning. An oven, perhaps? Maybe. I decided to keep Asahina-san's light saber deactivated so that I wouldn't attract unwanted attention. But alas, unwanted attention is always present when you don't want it to appear. You see, I was about to enter this questionable-looking room with this questionable-looking door when an old woman came out.

"Who are you!?" the old woman shrieked at me. That shriek almost broke my eardrums.

"Uh… well…" I couldn't think of an answer. My gut tells me that this old woman is the "danger" Master Yoda was talking about, and I know that even an idiot could guess that this old woman is more sinister than what she looks like, but I decided not to strike for now, in case my thoughts were wrong. After all, she has all the right to be agitated. I entered her house without permission.

I was still thinking about courtesy and the acts of a gentleman when the old lady lunged at me. Well, I'm not too surprised that she turned out to be a villain; this was too cliché. But what is surprising is that she turned into a big bad wolf… that's the wrong fairy tale if you ask me. I activated Asahina-san's light saber just in time, and the wolf was hit on one of its front paws. It staggered backward, but didn't seem to be really injured. It just suffered a slight burn because it was able to dodge at the last minute.

The wolf had an injured front paw, but it was still quick. It lunged at me again, then jumped to my left side (I was holding Asahina-san's light saber in my right hand), and pounced on my arm. I was hit, but thanks to my reflexes, I wasn't seriously hurt. After that, the wolf jumped again, this time at my right arm. That was its biggest mistake. I dodged its strike, cut off its legs with several swings of the light saber, and then I prepared to kill it when it spoke to me.

"Do you really have the strength to kill another creature, son of Adam?" It said in a mocking tone. Oh crap. I started to have second thoughts on whether I should kill the wolf or not. If I do kill it, the "danger" would be terminated, and I could rescue the person in need of rescuing in here. If I don't, and this wolf turns out to be a sinister magician who is able to transform into different kinds of animals and traps children inside this house of sweets and cooks them, I would be guilty of letting it go free. Even though all the arguments I have are in favor of killing this critter, I still find it hard to kill something that can talk to me. Well, if you can do that, come here. Maybe we can switch places.

"What's the matter, son of Adam? Hesitating? Oh, so weak, just like the girl I have in this back room." A girl? I looked inside and saw a girl crying inside a prison cell… it was Yuki. That strengthened my resolve. I have to kill this foul beast that dared endanger Yuki's life. I turned to the legless wolf and promptly cut off its head. Good riddance. Now, to save Yuki…

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N:

(confessor cabal) Naruto just got crowned as the new King of Britannia. I have to hurry over there and attend the ceremonies, which means I would be absent for a while. (*background music: "God Save the King"*)

(nliev): what he said, yeah. But this will still be updated, yeah. Because confessor guy will have to work double time, yeah.

(confessor cabal): !? Oh well. Art is eternal.

(nliev): what? (*makes the stereo explode*) Art is a bang, yeah.


	8. Interlude

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own any thing… except for my laptop. The characters and other things belong to their respective owners.

**________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter VIII**

I approached Yuki. I guess she didn't notice that cause she's still crying. Yes, I have no regrets in killing that vile thing, making Yuki cry like this. Erm… You didn't read that, it's just your imagination.

"Hey, how are you?" Damn, that was stupid. At least she stopped crying. She looked at me while sobbing. Her eyes widened then she smiled… well a bit.

"Kyon-kun?" She sound scared. Damn that old lady wolf guy thingy.

"Yeah, it's me… It's alright now…" I went near her… but I realized that she was still inside the cage. Grrr… just thinking of trapping an innocent thing like Yuki, well at least when she is like this, here makes me want to kill that thing again. Woah… am I turning into a homicidal maniac?!

"Wait here, I'm going to find the keys."

"O-o-okay… just don't leave me here…" Man, she really is scared.

Now, where to find the key? If I were a wolf disguising as an old lady, where would I put my key? Hmmmm… under the bed perhaps? Nah… While I was looking around, I remembered that I have Asahina-san's light saber… Sigh… I went towards the caged and sliced the lock. I should've thought of this earlier.

"Thank you Kyon-kun!" Yuki was so happy that she was free she ran towards me. Next thing I felt is my butt crashing on the floor in an unpleasant way and Yuki hugging me. Wait… Is she really… I mean, seriously? Man that butt wracking experience was totally worth it. We should do this again sometime… GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!!!!

"Hey Yuki, I think we should stand up now." Argh… Do I really have to say that?

Yuki, realizing she was still hugging me, quickly stood up then turned away.

"S-s-sorry… I-I was so happy that I….I…"

"No, it's alright. So… let's go meet Master and Asahina-san. I think they know where the others are."

"Master…?" Oh crap. I forgot to tell her about Master Yoda in the commotion.

"Master Yoda; I'll explain later," I told her. Yuki, still looking away, nodded. She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the exit. Then she stopped. Wha? Why? I looked where she was looking and I saw that she was staring at the wolf thing's body. Oh crap…

"Err… are you alright?" I said while I tapped Yuki's shoulder

"Ummm… Yes… I think. I have seen blood before..." She said. Oh… yeah… when Asakura Ryoko tried to kill me to see how Haruhi would react… *shivers* Damn, that was a bad memory…

"So… Let's go?" There are too many bad memories here… And some good ones too… Like when-

"Yeah, I think I'm alright now Kyon-kun… Thanks for saving me." She said. Then she put a chaste kiss on my cheek…All thought processes halted. Initializing system reboot. Reboot failed. is shutting down. is shutting down.

"K-K-Kyon-kun? Are you alright?! I'm sorry! I just thought that… Well I saw that in a movie and I thought that's what you should do when one rescues you… I'm S-sorry…" Yuki got sacred when she saw Kyon was getting redder and redder and also was barely moving (Kyon can't narrate so it shifted to third person. Sorry for the inconvenience).

"Ah.. err… ummm… yes …alright, I am… yeah…" I quickly –ehem- regained my senses… But still… Sigh…

"Really? You look like you are sick." She said as she put her hand on my forehead.

"Temperature reading is slightly higher than normal. Pulse is also faster than normal." She said.

"N-no… Seriously, I'm alright…"Darn, why am I acting like this?

"O-okay then… sorry again Kyon-kun!" We're going nowhere here... But why do I feel strange? Arghh… I'll deal with that later. We need to go to Master Yoda now.

"It's alright… I think we should go now, we don't know if other things like that will come." I smiled and stood up. I helped Yuki to stand then we went towards the outside.

* * *

_2 hours later…_

"Master I think it's getting late and we need to rest, or something." I said to Master when I saw Yuki looking tired, to me at least. And Asahina-san looks the same as when we first saw her in the woods. What's up with that?

"Correct, you are. Rest, we will." Master said. How come he still looks smart when he talks backwards?

"I think we should hurry towards Rohan. Don't let us be too much of a burden for you and Master Yoda." Asahina-san said. Man, she is scary.

"I agree with Asahina-san. Don't let us burden you, Kyon-kun." Yuki said. Hey, you and a burden are to totally different things. What I meant to say is… whatever.

"You two are not burdensome; I just think that walking around in the forest at night is dangerous, and also we need some rest so that even when any weird thing comes at us, we are not too tired too fight." And I feel my Haruhi-sense tingling so we should really stop.

"Correct, my student is, young one. Rest, we must." Master said.

"Very well," Asahina-san finally got convinced.

Later that night, I went to Master Yoda to ask something. Well, there are still few things I don't get here. I mean, what's with the gingerbread house?

"Master, can I ask you something? Well… a few things?"

"The path to wisdom, asking questions is," he answered. "Very welcome, your questions are." Sigh… He still confuses me.

"Master, how did you know that something was going to happen in that house?"

"Foresaw it before I met you, I did."

"So… what else did you foresee?"

"When time comes, you shall know, young one."

"And, Master, can I have a saber? I think it will be hard if I would borrow Asahina-san's saber every time. And If ever we get separated, I think it would be best if at least I can defend myself and Yuki too if ever she is in trouble." Well I think wielding a light saber is cool too.

"Give you a light saber, I will, but only if you promise that use it only to protect, you would."

"Yes Master. I will only use this on that occasion Master." With that I bid Master Yoda farewell and left. While walking towards the camp, I saw Yuki sitting in the grass. Now that I look at her, I realized she was still wearing our school uniform. Well not that I'm complaining though.

"Hey," I said as I approached her.

"Hello Kyon-kun," She said.

"Umm… What are you doing?"

"Nothing really, I was just looking around…" I sat beside her then looked at the stars.

"Oh… Well, how did you get caught by that thing anyway?" This is Yuki Nagato we're talking about, after all.

"Well… umm… I was walking then… ummm…" Well I'm not expecting Nagato was finding it hard to explain something? But I think it's cute, so whatever. WHAT THE?! KYON!!!! FIX YOURSELF!

"What? You got hungry and you ate her house then he caught you?" I said jokingly. Yuki blushed then looked away.

"W-w-well… I was _really_ hungry that time, a-and…" Oh… Wait. What?!

"S-seriously? I was joking you know." I was trying to hold my laugh… and was failing miserably. Yuki suddenly glared at me

"You're mean… Hmmp.." then she pouted.

"Well, sorry, I was not expecting that though." Damn, beware the evil pout o' doom. Then we just sat there silently…

"But I think it was a good thing I was caught," What? And why is that?  
"Why?"

"Because you came and saved me." I choked on my on saliva on that.

"Ah… err… Well…" Damn… what should I say?!

"Kyon, Nagato, Supper is ready." Asahina-san said as if she was ordering soldiers to form up for inspection. Wow, that was perfect timing. Well, she is a time traveler. Errr... You didn't read that. Wait, if she calls everyone by their surnames, why does she still call me by my horrible nickname? And where the hell did we get these camping equipment? "They were lying around a while ago, Kyon-kun." Oh, thanks Yuki.

"So… Let's go?" I stood up and stretched my hand to help Yuki.

"Yeah, let's" She replied. When we came at the campsite, Master was already there. So, the little one is hungry eh?

While eating, we suddenly heard someone shouting,

" HEEEEELLOOOOO!!! ANYBODY HOME!???" Crap… I know that voice.

This is going to be one wild night.

* * *

A/N:

confessor cabal: YA-HAA!!!

nliev: he said-" pls. review and art is a bang!"

confessor cabal: no I didn't. Art is eternal. And I didn't help in making this chapter… only with the editing and such. Oh yeah, L just enrolled in North High. Can't talk, typing…

nliev: I was the one to make this chap. Because confessor has to type his other stories. Well I should also be typing other stories ( I didn't post them yet) but I did this first, cause art is a BANG! (makes confessor explode). Well, I think there is something off with this chapter so if you see that thing or what ever, say it. Thanks, yeah.


	9. Haruhi is KIRA!

_At last… after a long time… I HAVE RISEN AGAIN!!! Math exams are evil, I tell you, EVIL!!! nliev has summer classes, so I would be the one writing the chapters for now. Art is a bang! –confessor cabal_

**Bonus Chapter- Lawliet Channel**

_(Inside some studio thingy)_

nliev: Oha-Lucky!!! Just kidding. Before we go on with the story, we decided to call a special guest to interview one of the main characters of the story. Confessor guy and the special guest will be arriving shortly. And art is eternal.

_(A black limousine parks in front of the building thingy)_

nliev: They're here! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, confessor cabal and… WHAT THE HELL!?!?

L: Hey, I'm L.

nliev: _(turns to confessor cabal) _I thought you were going to call character of the original story, like Tsuruya or something!?

confessor cabal: _(evil smirk)_ Tsuruya-san is currently… busy. _(Assumes a more normal expression)_ And furthermore, L is a pro at this, comrade, a pro!

nliev: Wha…?

confessor cabal: This is an interview, riiiiight?

nliev: uh-huh.

confessor cabal: and L is a detective, right?

nliev: Yeah, the best. So?

confessor cabal: That makes him the perfect person to interview the people he's supposed to interview, then!

nliev: Huh?

confessor cabal: Yeah he can make them talk, like how he interrogated Misa Amane when she was suspected of being the second Kira. _(evil grin)_

nliev: What?

L: Oh, this is an interrogation? _(takes out his cell phone)_ Watari, prepare the room. We'll be interrogating another suspect.

nliev: No that won't be necessary. I have a baaaad feeling about this…

confessor cabal: Excellent. This is going to be a BANG!!! Wait, I think nliev and I switched opinions with the art thingy… whatever.

_Interview_

L: Welcome everyone, to Lawliet Channel with your host, L Lawliet. Today, we will be interviewing one of the main characters of _Haruhi Potter_. So, without further ado, I call in Ms. Haruhi Suzumiya. _(Haruhi enters)_

Haruhi: Hey! You're weird. Are you an alien or an ESPer or anything along those lines?

L: No.

Haruhi: I'm not interested in being interviewed by an ordinary human.

L: Is that so? Well, I might not be an alien or something along those lines, but I _am_ L.

Haruhi: L? You mean the world's greatest detective? No way!

confessor cabal: I'm sorry to interrupt, L, but someone should just confirm with this psycho oh, I mean, uh, Ms. Suzumiya, that you are indeed L.

L: Okay.

confessor cabal: Hey Bird-Eyes, I think we might need your bird-eyes here now.

Lelouch: Of course. _(casts his Geass on Haruhi)_ Lelouch vi Britannia commands you, believe that he is L!

Haruhi: Sure. Okay then, L, interview away.

confessor cabal: Thank you, comrade. Your Geass is much appreciated.

Lelouch: It's nothing… commie. _(Lelouch and confessor cabal leave the stage)_

L: Now, to continue our interview. First question: Ms. Suzumiya, why did you suddenly begin to read those western fantasy novels?

Haruhi: Well, because I was bored.

L: _(thinking)_ Bored? Kind of like how Kira might answer the question. Can this girl actually be Kira? I have to find out more.

L: _(talking) _Oh. So, I guess you did that because you want the world to be changed in a manner that would please you, right?

Haruhi: Yeah, sort of.

L: Okay. Now, do you think that this world is rotten?  
Haruhi: Well, since this world is boring, then it probably is.

L: And if the world is rotten, then there are people who make it rotten, aren't there?

Haruhi: I guess.

L: And if there are those sorts of people, then they are better off dead, aren't they?

Haruhi: Well… sure.

L: So, _hypothetically speaking_, if you somehow have the power to kill people without even laying your hand on them, _which I'm not saying you have_, would you use that power _that you don't have now_ in order to kill the people that, in your opinion, _which I totally respect_, make the world rotten?

Haruhi Uh… well… sure.

L: _(thinking)_ very suspicious. Her answers almost exactly fit into Kira's thoughts, if I'm correct that Kira wants to rid the world of people who, in his opinion, society could do better without. Now, one more question to confirm my suspicions…

_Meanwhile…_

confessor cabal: Well then, comrades, I'll just have to introduce you later in the story. The flow of events is slower than what I expected.

???: I'm fine as long as I still get paid the original amount.

??: At least I have less work to do.

confessor cabal: I see… Hey, L is going to ask the final question to Suzumiya. This is going according to plan _(cue in, "Domine Kira")_

_Now back to the interview…_

L: Now, Ms. Suzumiya, for the final question: Do shinigami love apples?

Haruhi: Um… well… yeah, I guess so.

L: That settles it.

Haruhi: Settles what?

_(Several FBI agents appear and restrain Haruhi)_

L: Suzumiya Haruhi, you are under arrest for being Kira.

Haruhi: Hey, what the…!? I'M NOT KIRA, YOU IDIOTS!!!

_(Haruhi gets dragged away)_

L: Okay, that concludes this episode of "Lawliet Channel"! See you next time!

_After the interview_

confessor cabal: This day went well, don't you think?

nliev: Well!? One of our main characters got arrested for being Kira and you think that this day went "well"!? How are we going to continue making "Haruhi Potter" without the "Haruhi" part?

confessor cabal: Don't worry. I'll just tell Bird-Eyes over there to command L to release Suzumiya Haruhi.

nliev: Oh, right… Hey wait a minute, how did you get Lelouch to work for you, anyway?

confessor cabal: I kidnapped his sister. _(evil grin)_

nliev: ...oh... *eye twitch* WHAT?!

confessor cabal: I'm kidding. You see, I found out that Nunnally is a reader of our fanfic, and since you're taking summer classes, I'm going to need extra help…

nliev: So you asked her to tell Lelouch to help you out?

confessor cabal: That would be boring.

nliev: Then what the hell did you do?

confessor cabal: I asked Nunnally to pretend that I kidnapped her so that her brother would obey me without question, since he think that I might kill his beloved sister if he doesn't. Now that I think of it, that's very similar to casting Geass on him, isn't it?

nliev: *sigh*

confessor cabal: Nunnally's even nice enough to make a voice recording of her asking for help so that her brother wouldn't have any doubt that I really kidnapped her. I played it in front of him a while ago, and he fell for it. That's a sister complex, if you ask me.

nliev: Can I listen to it?

confessor cabal: Well… I really forgot it at home. What he actually listened to was a spare recording I asked someone else to make. _(plays the tape recorder)_

Voice recording: Hauuuu… Onii-sama, this is Nunnally, nano desu. Auau… Please listen to what confessor-sama tells you to do, nano desu. Au au au auuuuuuu… _(static)_

nliev: *eye twitch* He actually fell for that? Man…

A/N: (confessor) I just had to do that chapter; it was giving me nightmares. Anyway, at least you know that I am the one that wrote this chapter and all the chapters after this until the next interview… nliev would be joining us soon… I hope. Now, send reviews or I'll make Lelouch use his Geass to _force_ you to review! ART IS A BANG!!!

(nliev) *sigh* I hate math. *longer sigh* *reads the chapter* …I gotta finish math. Stat.


	10. Uhhh why the beaver costume?

**confessor cabal:** Hey, lazy mutated dog guy thingy, read the disclaimer.

**??:** Nah, too much work.

**confessor cabal:** You lazy fool. Hey bloodsucker, reading this disclaimer will ensure the establishment of world communism.

**???:** Really!?!? _(quickly picks up the document thingy)_ DISCLAIMER: I, _confessor cabal_, along with my associate _nliev_ (currently absent), acknowledge that _The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya _is rightfully owned by Nagaru Tanigawa, et al. We claim no right to ownership of the story. That said, we do not wish to engage in copyright infringement and hereby declare that this fanfic is made for the sole purpose of alleviation of boredom and nothing more, blah blah blah… Okay, I've read it. Where's world communism, then? Hey! ANSWER ME OR I WILL SUCK YOUR BLOOD!!!!

**confessor cabal:** Too late. The story should already begin by now. And oh yeah, we also don't own the other shows, movies, books, etc. that we might refer to in this fanfic.

**Chapter IX- the Camp**

"HEEEEELLOOOOO!!! ANYBODY HOME!?!?" Sweet Yuki… I know that voice…

And so, like a blazing asteroid that fell upon my rather peaceful world, the twisted anomaly in human form, Suzumiya Haruhi, entered our little camp… along with four weird-looking, yet otherwise normal girls cosplaying as beavers (with Izumi Konata as one of them). Because of some unfortunate stroke of luck, _I_ was the one who Haruhi saw first, while I was sitting with Nagato in this clearing.

"Kyon? Hey Kyon! Is that you!?" No. I'm John Smith, actually… I _really_ wanted to say that, but alas, I can't.

"And look, he's got someone here with him!" One of the beaver cosplayers (the one with pigtails) pointed out.

"Yeah, Yuki's there too," Haruhi said.

That time, I expected Nagato to be all scared and stuff, just like how she reacted when she saw Taniguchi. But she didn't. She just stared at the newly-arrived Haruhi, like what she would normally do in our world. Wait, does that mean she's back to being that emotionless alien android thingy? That's just great.

"Hey, she's like some kind of R*i Aya**mi clone!" Izumi-san (currently in that weird beaver suit with a clearly visible zipper in front) said. Didn't she already point that out in the first chapter? Dang, I broke the fourth wall again, didn't I?

After a few moments, I finally decided to tell Izumi-san about the Aya**mi joke and the weird cosplays.

"Didn't you point that out in the past, Izumi-san? And what's with the beaver costumes?"

"What is an Izumi, Kona-beaver-chan? And why does that man think we're wearing costumes?" the cosplayer with the short purple hair and a yellow ribbon asked.

"Beats me," Izumi-san said. What the…? How can she not know about her own surname? She then turned to me. "What on Narnia are you talking about, stranger-I-haven't-met-before?" She asked. Right. Maybe she's in-character.

"Yeah," Haruhi finally said, "What are you talking about, Kyon?" Even Haruhi is playing in this joke? Great.

"Whatever," I said resignedly. "You should get in to the camp. Asahina-san told me a while ago that dinner is ready."

"Mikuru-chan's here too?" Haruhi asked excitedly. "That's great!" Really now… I'd like to see Haruhi's reaction when she meets the "real" Asahina-san.

We went to the middle of the campsite, where a bonfire has been lit, and sat on the rocks that surrounded it. Asahina-san was not there at the moment (she was bringing the food she prepared to our current position), so we had to wait for a while. About three minutes later, we heard her footsteps. _At last_, I thought, _the moment of truth is almost upon us_. I was pretty excited to see Haruhi's face when she finally meets the "real" Asahina-san.

…

…

_Sigh._

About Haruhi meeting the "real" Asahina-san... well… That didn't happen. Asahina-san completely reverted back to her fake personality the moment she saw Haruhi. (_"Kyon, you're… O-oh, I-I'm sorry, Suzumiya-san, I didn't know you were there!"_) That's quite a disappointment. Oh well. That food she made wasn't half bad. But still, I wonder why we didn't just take chunks out of the gingerbread house we stopped by a few hours ago. Maybe because we were in such a hurry. But Master Yoda could have… Hey, where's Master Yoda?

I decided to ask just that to Asahina-san, but Haruhi heard me.

"Master Yoda? You mean that old green alien from _Star Wars_? He's with you? No way!!!"

"Affirmative," said Nagato, who was sitting beside me at that time. She completely reverted back to her old personality in a personality shift that would make Dr. Jekyll green with envy. While I admit that I missed this Nagato, I should say that I liked the new one better. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

"So, Kyon, where _is_ Master Yoda now? I hope that you're not lying or heads will roll!" Haruhi told me.

"U-um, Master Yoda told me that he would be meeting with some people who will be going with us to Rohan. He should be back by tomorrow," Asahina-san told Haruhi. Thanks, Asahina-san. And may I say that while I'm extremely glad that you're back to _not_ normal, I'm still pretty disappointed that Haruhi didn't see what you're really like that time. I'm sure that would have been a blast if she did.

And while I'm at it, I still have questions regarding the four beaver cosplayers Haruhi brought with her. Who are these people (I already know Izumi-san, but for some reason, she doesn't remember me)? And how the heck did Haruhi find them? I decided to ask Haruhi.

"Haruhi, who are these… beavers you brought with you?"

"Oh right. I forgot to introduce them. Kyon, Asahina-san, met the newest members of the SOS Brigade!" Newest members, huh? I guess Haruhi really thinks that they're real talking beavers then. And if Haruhi thinks that they're real talking beavers, then they _are _real talking beavers. I'm too tired to argue with her now.

"Yo. I'm Kona-beaver," Izumi-san said. I'm also too tired to argue with her, so I'll let this one pass.

"I'm Kagami-beaver," the cosplayer with pigtails said. She reminds me of that magician girl from some anime featuring a gender-bended version of King Arthur. Must be the pigtails.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Miyuki-beaver," the pink-haired cosplayer told me. Looking at her reminds me of the "nice" Asahina-san, for some reason.

"I'm Tsukasa-beaver," the short-haired one said. Hmmm… I think the author can't think of a character he can compare with this one. Must be because he's writing this during the day. He's nocturnal, you know.

"Nagato Yuki" Nagato said coldly. I miss the other Nagato.

I was about to tell them my real name when… "The name of that guy is Kyon." Haruhi beat me again. It's times like these that I despair over not being named Bob.

"Nice to meet all of you, then," I said at last. I'm either really stressed out because of what Haruhi did to the world or getting as insane as Haruhi for not saying any comment like "why are you cosplaying as beavers" or something. But then, if I say anything along those lines, I might start a heated argument that would cause me to have a headache worse that what I'm having right now. I think I'll pass on that one. Now, I should make them answer the second question lingering inside my battered mind.

"So, Haruhi, how did you find us here?" I asked. If my theory is correct, she would tell a long, winded, bizarre story, which is comfortably long enough for me to sleep through. But if I sleep through it, "heads might roll", as Haruhi often points out. I better listen.

"How, you ask?" she said as her opening remarks. This is going to be weird, I just know it. "Then I, the mighty Chief of the SOS Brigade, shall tell you the tale of how I, along with my newest underlings, got here." Please…

Haruhi then spun a tale of adventure that could rival even the exploits of Sinbad the Sailor. Her story was hardly believable, consisting of mumblings like "We went through scorching deserts, endured freezing blizzards, climbed treacherous mountains, and fought our way through armies upon armies of enemies…" and other stuff like that. I knew it. Well, I at least the others seem to be enjoying it. Asahina-san, who once again put up the front of a sweet little angel, pretended to be listening attentively. She even whispered "Amazing!" once while Haruhi spoke. Nagato was listening with no expression on her face, but I think that she was comparing Haruhi's tale to another story that she read in the past. The "beavers" also seem to be entertained by the story. In fact, Izumi-san's eyes were sparkling with delight. Only Kagami-san, who was sitting at my left, seemed to be annoyed at whatever it is that's going on. I decided to clarify what really happened with her.

"Um, Kagami-beaver-san," I whispered while Haruhi was ranting, "You got lost in the forest because of Haruhi's leading and somehow got here by chance, didn't you?"

"Yep, that's exactly what happened," Kagami-san whispered back.

_I knew it_, I thought. Then, I looked around at the… people who were with me. Haruhi, Asahina-san, Nagato, and the four "beavers" were there, and Master Yoda was meeting some people. There appeared to be someone missing from the group. That's right, Koizumi! If there was someone who should be here, it's that smiley-faced bastard. He should be the one who would discover this new world first, since he's an ESPer and all. Where could he be? Oh well, he'll appear when he appears. As for now, Haruhi had just stopped telling her bizarre adventure story, and it's about time to turn in for the night. Better get into my tent. Good night, everyone.

A/N: YA-HAA!! If you're wondering why this chapter is late, well… I had to do things, go to places… Okay, I forgot about it for a while, but I'm back now. I should be able to write the tenth chapter (as well as another chapter of my other fanfic) in the next couple if days. Well, the sun's about to rise, so I should also be turning in for the day. Good morning, everyone.

(nliev): as you may know, confessor's currently writing the chapters. But I may be back by chap 11 because I just aced math. bwahahhaahhah


	11. Itsuki Interlude

**confessor cabal: **Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as… whatever. Anyway, prepare for the long, winded explanation o' doom!!! (Don't worry; I'll intervene if Koizumi's explanations turn to random ramblings.)

**Chapter X- Itsuki**

Once again, hello, everyone. As you may know, this chapter is dedicated to my exploits as one of the Green Witch's lieutenants. This is, in fact, a most unexpected role for me, considering that I, a loyal member of the SOS Brigade, would suddenly become a general in the army of the story's supposed villain. But I think that this role is not really that unexpected since one of the inspirations of this story is C.S. Lewis's _The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_, where the character Edmund was initially in-league with the White Witch…

**confessor cabal: ** That's as far as you go, Spoiler-man.

…And that's the primary reason why the authors of this fanfiction put me in the Green Witch's side. Now, it is probably time for me to narrate what happened during my stay with the Witch and her lieutenants.

Hello again, everyone. This time, the situation is exactly the same as the last time I had to narrate the story. Kyon-kun, or any other main character, cannot be in my current location because they are currently somewhere a considerable distance from here, I, Itsuki Koizumi, shall once again narrate the story.

Are you all aware of the game chess? It is, after all, a pretty well-known game. Well, I happen to be very adept at this game. This is something that Kyon-kun doesn't know, though, as I always lose on purpose when I challenge him. But, since I am currently at the palace of the Queen of Narnia (and Kyon-kun isn't around, as I pointed out a while ago), I have no reason to hold back, especially now that I am playing with Lord Zeromort, whose unique style of playing has proven to be very challenging for me. In fact, even if I chose the white side (which has its natural advantages), Lord Zeromort is still holding his own against my advances.

"I see that you're attacking with your king in front," I told him.

"But of course," he answered, "if a king does not lead the charge, his men will not follow."

"Makes sense," my rook said as my rook took one of his bishops, thus opening up his left flank, normally sealing my victory. "But since the king is looked up to as the leader of his people, I believe that he is to be protected, so that the people can remain united."

He quickly captured that rook of mine in retaliation. "Ah, a conventional thinker, are we? Well then, if the king will not lead the people in battle, then who will?" He then asked.

As I searched for an answer to that question, I looked at the chessboard, then to the direction of the Queen's chamber. Ah, the Queen… never in my life have I seen such grace, such refinement… _***cough***_, excuse me for that. Then I looked at the chessboard again.

"Well, Lord Zeromort," I then said, "I have found my answer." I moved my queen such that his king was pinned down and unable to move. "Checkmate."

Because he was wearing his mask, I could not effectively tell Lord Zeromort's reaction at that time. But his silence led me to deduce that he was stunned by my move, as he did not see my queen in such a position. But his next actions proved that my deductions were far from correct. He took my queen using his remaining knight, thus freeing his king from its current position. "But a queen is merely the king's assistant," he then said, "and as such, she cannot lead her men into battle as effectively as a king can. Indeed, war is the business of kings rather than of queens. That is why _our _Queen appointed generals to take care of matters of war. She is a weakling without us."

_He called my Queen a weakling… he should pay for that_. Those were the thoughts which raced through my mind that time, and Lord Zeromort knew. "Your move, Sir Itsuki?" he asked in a taunting manner. He knew that since my mind is currently distracted, I cannot think of my next move effectively, thus leading me to making a blunder. And since I thought that he expects me to blunder, more and more thoughts raced through my mind, causing me to get more distracted. In fact, it was like his remark was like a finger that knocked down one domino which represents a thought of mine, thus causing it to fall down, and causing an entire train of dominoes behind it to fall down as well. And, as expected, I made a terrible blunder by moving my rook too early, causing it to be taken by a bishop of his.

"You gave away one very fatal flaw," he then remarked. "Your sense of chivalry makes you vulnerable."

"You are correct," I said, calming down at last.

After that, I managed to recover, and an hour later, Lord Zeromort and I agreed to a draw.

"That was a very good game," I said after we stood up, "I hope we can play again sometime."

"Indeed," he answered.

Just as we were about to leave the hall, by a stroke of chance, well, if indeed chance dominates our circumstances and no other powers are involved in it (which I totally disagree with, considering that Suzumiya-san has the power to bend reality), a messenger from the Queen came running towards us.

"Sir Itsuki, Lord Zeromort," he said while taking deep breaths, a sure sign that he was exhausted, probably because of delivering messages all day. "The Queen requires your presence in her throne room immediately."

Hearing those words just completed my day. Indeed, it is a great pleasure to be in the presence of Her Majesty, the Queen of Narnia. My mind, which was tired because of the chess game with Lord Zeromort, thought of nothing else but the honor of being in the Queen's presence as I walked the halls of her palace of ice. These halls were truly a sight to see. As I walked, I admired the beautiful black sculptures of the creatures of Narnia which were on the left and right sides of the hallway. The sculptures were very realistic, and it was as if the sculptors who made this had the care of Nile crocodile mothers when carrying their young to the water after they hatch, and the prowess of Suzumiya-san herself, when playing a ballgame.

After a fairly long, uneventful walk (and more than a hundred sculptures later), I managed to reach the throne room. The room itself was a majestic sight: a room created entirely out of ice and snow; lit up by the light of a hundred orbs of different colors (mostly green) floating freely as if they were in water; containing more of those magnificent black sculptures, this time of armored centaur warriors, positioned as if they were in battle. The throne itself was very imposing, a tall, ornately-carved white seat made of ice, positioned at the top of twelve steps.

But still, the most enchanting marvel in this hall of splendor is the Queen, who is majestically seated upon her throne. Her amber eyes which, if locked with one's own, can seemingly gaze deep down into one's own soul, her long green hair gracefully falling behind her back like green silk, her face, which is simply dazzling, and her form, poetry incarnate, made more beautiful by her royal crown, her regal robe and her splendid jewelry. Truly, she can be described as a goddess in human form. In fact, when I first heard that of Suzumiya-san's true identity, I imagined her to look just like that, but without the green hair. Not that the green hair was bad, it's just…

**Kyon:** Wow, I've never heard Koizumi explain something that clearly before.

**confessor cabal:** Leaping Lenin… he'll go on forever if no one stops him. Hey, random stage person, tranquilize that love-struck ESPer.

**Random stage person:** Yes, sir.

-Please wait a moment-

…But alas, I know that all I can do is admire her from afar, as someone like me can never, ever have her.

It appears that Lord Zeromort and I were not the only ones summoned by the Queen. She also summoned four other people, her most prominent generals, who are now kneeling in a line in front of the Queen.

One general, a vampire, was at the leftmost side. He was indeed a vampire, but it seemed to me that he has great affinity with water, and did not die when exposed to sunlight (he even sparkles when exposed to sunlight, according to some). He was known for taking pleasure in killing his opponents slowly, after asking them what the "most important thing" is for them. He isn't that much of a strategist, though, and he wins battles only with the use of his cruelty. That aside, he is loyal to Lord Zeromort, and will gladly take orders from him.

To his right was a Minotaur, the chieftain of the Minotaur tribes loyal to the Queen. Like the vampire, he was also a poor strategist, but he manages to distinguish himself in battle because of his fierce way of fighting, which is shared by his Minotaur brethren. His loyalties lie with the Queen.

In the middle of the group was Lord Zeromort, who was the lord of Mordor, a dark region in the far north of the kingdom. He was an excellent tactician, as proven by our chess game earlier, and he leads his men, the Black Knights, with great charisma.

Beside him knelt the cyborg, Sir Jeremiah Gottwald, the Knight of Orange. He leads the Purists, who are some of the fiercest and most dedicated warriors in the kingdom. He is unflinchingly loyal to Lord Zeromort, and is sure never to turn against him.

At his right sat a large gray wolf, the chief of the queen's secret police. He and his wolf brethren are tasked with locating and rooting out rebel activities inside the kingdom. The rise of rebels is on the upsurge these days, so they must have their hands full. The reason why they are sapient, just like humans and other similar beings, is still a great mystery to me, just like the true nature of Suzumiya-san's power.

I took my customary position, at the right of the wolf, and waited for the Queen to speak. Despite my being a relatively new lieutenant, I have already risen to be counted as one of Narnia's greatest generals. The reason for this, as I have been informed, is because Narnia is running out of great generals. I have also been informed that two of Narnia's greatest generals have rebelled against the Queen. Those two are said to be great threats to the Queen, as they have tactical skills at par with Lord Zeromort's, and they possess abilities second to none. In fact, one of the generals who are with me, the vampire, has sworn to bring the severed head of one of those two generals, who is also a vampire, to prove that he is the stronger one of them.

Seeing that we are all present, the Queen rose up from her throne and spoke.

"Gallant knights of the kingdom," she began, "you may rise." And so we did. She then continued to speak.

"Thanks to the commendable information-gathering done by our secret police; we have managed to locate the two real children of Adam and Eve, as well as the adopted ones. They appear to be traveling together, guided by the fugitive Yoda and a group of other enemies of the kingdom. They seem to be moving south, to Rohan. If they reach Rohan, then they will be lost to the rebels forever, and our kingdom will be in grave peril. We need to take those children of Adam and Eve with us, so that we can crush the rebellion once and for all. So now, we will need to mobilize some of our men in order to intercept the rebels and take the children of Adam and Eve. Now, who among you will go?"

"So the party moving with the children of Adam and Eve is a small one, is it?" Lord Zeromort said, "I think not. They probably have a stronger, if not larger contingent moving alongside them, with or without their knowledge of this. In fact, because of the importance of the children of Adam and Eve to both our cause and to theirs, the two rogue generals might even show up there."

"Then I should go!" the vampire general exclaimed. "I will kill that traitorous Nosferatu, and prove to everyone that _I_ am the stronger of the two of us!"

"You can't do that," the Minotaur replied. "Remember the last time the two of you fought? You didn't even manage to hit one strand on his cloak. You're no match against him! And remember, there's two of them, and that Lycan is no joke as well. He and his traps almost annihilated my men once."

"That's because you're incompetent," the vampire answered him. "You can be easily killed by that dog and his little tricks. But as for me, my vampiric powers have increased since I last met with the Nosferatu. I am confident that I can defeat him now."

The two continued to bicker in the presence of the Queen. How shameless of them, to engage in such a petty fight in front of Her Majesty like that. In fact, the Queen has shown some signs of annoyance with those two. Since I am the newest and the lowest-ranking general (having fought only a few battles since I joined the Queen's army), I am certain that the two of them, who have stayed with the Queen for a longer period of time, would not listen to me. I cannot do anything now. It is a good thing that Lord Zeromort stopped them.

"Silence, both of you!" he commanded. "You are both unworthy of retrieving the children of Adam and Eve because you're both incompetent fools! My Queen, I advise that Sir Koizumi would be the one who would retrieve them, for he has already gained the trust his fellow children of Adam and Eve. And Sir Gottwald should accompany him, so that if anything happens, or if the rogue generals do attack, he will not be caught alone."

"Itsuki? The flashy newcomer, you mean? He might be good at clearing out small rebel camps, but this is probably a big mission if Lord Zeromort is correct. I do not think that he will be able to pull it off," the vampire said.

"Who shall we send then?" Lord Zeromort asked. "You? Do not be too confident of yourself, vampire. Remember, when we last sent you to intercept the rogue Nosferatu, your forces were wiped out, and you went here crawling on your belly, with both legs missing." That managed to silence the vampire.

Finally, the Queen decided to speak. "A wise plan, Lord Zeromort," she said. Then she turned to me, which made me a little uncomfortable. "Sir Itsuki, do you or do you not agree with Lord Zeromort's plan?" she asked.

"I wholeheartedly agree, my Queen," I answered honestly.

"I agree as well, my Queen," Sir Gottwald said without being asked.

"It's settled then," the Queen replied. "Sir Itsuki and Sir Gottwald will retrieve the four other children of Adam and Eve from the hands of the rebels. You will be taking a large force with you, in case Lord Zeromort is correct that the rogue generals guarding the rebel party from the shadows. The chief of police will give the details to the two of you. That will be all. You are all dismissed."

The sentient wolf, the one whom the Queen appointed as chief of the secret police because of his skills in information-gathering, told the details to Sir Gottwald and to me as we walked down the palace's splendid main hall.

"According to our sources, the group of rebels that is escorting the children is supposedly led by the fugitive Yoda. Their exact number is still unknown, but we know that they are only a small contingent. Well, even though they are only small, they are pretty skilled, as they managed to kill one of my agents in his observation post. It is, as Lord Zeromort says, a distinct possibility that the two rogues are shadowing them, but we cannot be too sure of these, those bastards know how to hide."

"Well, judging by the path that they are taking, it appears that they would go straight for Rohan, to Aslan's camp. There are two possible oaths for them to take: the Hot Gates or the Forest of Death. It would be best to be careful in the vicinity of the Forest of Death, though, because when we last sent troops there, they ended up either drained of blood, or impaled in wooden stakes." He shuddered after he said that. "Well," he continued, "that's everything I can tell you for now. Good luck."

I think that we will need all the luck in the world, after hearing what happened to the troops we last sent to wherever Suzumiya-san and the others are passing through. Anyway, Sir Gottwald, after informing me that I have twenty-four hours to prepare, went to gather up the troops. The troops that we will be bringing are indeed numerous, since this is a very important mission, and success here might determine the outcome of the war…

**confessor cabal: ** Okay, just cut to the last scenes. We're running out of space.

After twenty-four hours of preparation, the troops, along with Sir Gottwald and me, moved out. We marched continually all day and when nightfall came, we halted at an area beside the frozen river to camp out for the night.

I was feeling uncomfortable that night. Fear and anxiety, the two emotions which would hinder my performance if left unchecked, gripped me. I decided to get out of my tent and take a short walk: a tried and tested method of calming myself down.

The air that night was cold, just like all the other nights in Narnia. And the large full moon hanging in the sky was like a large drop of blood. My mind was made anxious by the importance of this mission, and by the gripping cold air. Will I ever see the Queen again after this? Will she think more highly of me if I succeed? Will she forgive me if I fail? I thought of a myriad of other possibilities of what will happen.

My thoughts about the Queen were interrupted when I unexpectedly bumped into another person. This person was wearing a black cloak with a hood, so I cannot clearly see his eyes. His skin, or at least those parts that are visible (his hands, his neck, and some parts of his face), are deathly pale, and he was thin, as if he died and was reanimated. And when he spoke, his voice was as cold as Death himself. Oh yes, his cloak had this curious symbol of sorts: a curled red scorpion tail, positioned as if it were preparing to strike.

At least he tried to be courteous. "Greetings, comrade," he said. His manner of speaking reminded me of one of those old Bolsheviks from my world. "It's a lovely night, is it not?"

I struggled to answer. How can this fellow find such a ghastly night to be beautiful? "Well… uh… it… sure is." I stammered, an effect of both the cold and my anxiety.

"My, my," he said. "A nervous one, eh? It looks as if the 'Queen of Narnia' ordered you to find the children of Adam and Eve." That remark shocked all the fear and anxiety out of me.

"How did you know that!?" I asked.

"Oh, so I _was_ correct," he said. "Well, here's some advice I can give you. March, keep marching all day tomorrow, due southwest, and you will surely meet them. Make haste, since a party as small as theirs should be able to move quickly. And when you see them marching in the plains, do not engage them. Instead, send a small party that would pursue them, engage them only when they reach a terrain that they cannot escape from. That is the only way you can kill the rebels, and the children of Adam and Eve as well, thus fulfilling the dark will of your Queen."

I tried to defend my Queen. "Kill…? But the Queen did not order us to kill them. She only wanted to us to retrieve them and convince them to fight for us."

"But you are wrong," he said. "You have been deceived by the Witch and by her machinations. Pity. Now, let me tell you what your false queen and her people want: they want to kill your friends so that the prophecy will not be fulfilled."

"Prophecy?" I asked, becoming more curious. "Tell me about this prophecy."

He spoke again, this time with a more solemn voice, as if in respect to this prophecy. "Well, according to the prophecy, two true children of Adam and Eve, and three adopted children of the same will come and assist Aslan in liberating Narnia from the clutches of your aristocratic Witch."

"And who is this… Aslan?" I asked, getting more puzzled with every word of the one standing before me.

"Aslan," he answered, "is the true King of Narnia. He created Narnia with a mighty song, and left the children of Adam and Eve to take care of it. But as they grew numerous, they started to fight amongst each other and became fragmented, creating different kingdoms for themselves. The Narnians, ever loyal to Aslan and to the ones he chose to lead Narnia, were caught up in this struggle."

"It is during this time of chaos," he continued, "that the Green Witch, your Queen, appeared. Along with her came her grand vizier, the nefarious Lord Zeromort. She, using her dark magicks and her influence, and Zeromort's as well, conquered much of Narnia and froze it in this eternal winter. All this had to come to pass, in fulfillment of the prophecy that has been told centuries before the Witch appeared. And in fulfillment of this same prophecy, Aslan, the creator and true King of Narnia, came back to Narnia from his country beyond the ocean, and gathered an army to free Narnia. The appearance of the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, you and your friends, is also contained in this prophecy. You and your friends must go and assist Aslan in freeing Narnia. Only then can the true King be victorious."

Of course, I tried to defend my Queen, who graciously took me in when I was lost in Narnia. "No… you are wrong. In fact, you are a rebel; you have sided with the rebels and anarchists against the Queen of Narnia. Why, I don't know why I shouldn't kill you where you stand!"

"He who has ears to hear, let him hear," he said calmly. "Believe what you want to believe. I'll be going now before I decide to kill you. And if I do that, the prophecy will _never_ be fulfilled. Do not forget my advice. And please, do send my regards to the Orange, who I know is assisting you now."

I became more confused. "What… who… who are you, really?" I aksed him before he left.

"Well, just tell your Sir Gottwald that 'the Impaler' sends his regards," he said before walking away. "Well, I told you what I had to. Dosvidan'ya."

Now, after meeting with the "Impaler", my doubt was added to my list of feelings, with anxiety and fear being magnified three times. I decided not to head back to camp yet after that, and I also decided not to tell Sir Gottwald about my meeting with this "Impaler" character. I looked at him, who was slowly walking away from my direction, and he looked back, smiling cunningly, with his eyes burning a bright red. Then he looked at the direction of the Queen's palace (which is also the direction of the moon) and started to recite a poem. By some trick of sound, I can hear it clearly.

"_Silvery moon, washed in blood,_

_Led astray into the night,_

_Armed with the sword of broken Light._

_Broken, then betrayed by one, _

_Standing there bestride the sun._

_At darkest hour, redemption comes, _

_In knightly lady sworn to blood."_

It was during that time that I really started to wonder what will happen tomorrow. I decided to head back to camp and rest; tomorrow is going to be a big day, I suppose.

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A/N:(confessor) *pant, pant* chapter… too… long… tired… *gasp* Must… recharge… Koizumi… *pant* you… idiot. Oh well. Note to self: Never make Koizumi the narrator again. This is probably going to be the longest chapter in the fanfic. I had to put all of Koizumi's ramblings here, or I'll be tempted to make it longer. Oh yeah, I asked a rabid C.C. fanboy to help me with the descriptions of the Witch. I take no credit in those. _(collapses due to exhaustion)_

(nliev) *still inactive due to combating heresy* uh... *pokes confessor* hey... still alive?


	12. Konaclaus

**confessor cabal:** After that ridiculously long chapter (I'll never let Koizumi narrate anything again), we're now back to having Kyon narrate for us. This chapter should be shorter than that other one.

**Chapter XI- Kona-claus**

One… two… three… If you're wondering, I'm counting stars. Haruhi forced me to keep watch outside, subject to the cold, biting winter wind, while they sleep in their warm, comfortable tents. Nagato originally volunteered to keep watch (since she didn't need to sleep and all), but Haruhi insisted that as the only man in the group, _I_ should keep watch. That's oppression to men, if you ask me. What, you think that only women have the right to fight for their rights? Give me a break. *Yawn* … I'm feeling sleepier by the minute. I should keep… talking… to stay… zzzzzz… Huh? What the heck…? Who's there?

I thought I heard howling noises. Oh, great. Wolves are going to attack the camp, and I'm unarmed! Why didn't I borrow Asahina-san's light saber a while ago!?

Then, I heard the howling noises suddenly turn to growls and snarls, then to yelps. It seems that those wolves are fighting something else… something undoubtedly stronger, and are losing. The wolves ran away soon after that.

Then, I heard a voice saying something about those wolves being "troublesome" and that his sleeping was disturbed. Tell that to Haruhi.

Well, since I heard that guy's voice clearly, I think he might be somewhere near. I'm not sure whether he's a friend or an enemy, so I should _really_ keep watch.

Morning came and I, the poor, pitiful creature whom her royal pain Haruhi Suzumiya forced to keep watch outside the tents, am having trouble staying awake. In fact, when the sun came up, I felt my consciousness slowly flowing out of me. I was about to fall asleep when I heard _it_, that _it_ being Haruhi's wake-up call.

"RISE AND SHINE EVERYBODY! KYON MADE BREAKFAST!!!"

What the heck…? Oh boy. This is bad. I know that I have to deny that while no one is fully awake yet. "I most certainly did not! And how am I supposed to cook breakfast without any firewood!?"

"You should have gathered some while we were sleeping," Haruhi answered. "You're such an idiot." Oh, she's worse than that Greek witch who turned men into pigs! And oh, everyone else is waking up. Will no one rescue me from this torment?

Thankfully, someone did. Master Yoda came, along with a group of fauns, centaurs, and other (otherwise) mythical creatures. There was even this talking fox.

"Ah, greetings. You must be Lord Kyon. Master Yoda told me all about you," the fox told me. "Lord" Kyon… not bad, not bad at all. Pity no one will be calling me that when we go back to our world… _if_ we could go back to our world, that is.

"Right… and who am I talking to right now?" I asked him.

"To your humble servant, Kitsune. Believe it!" Oh, another one. Why does this keep happening to me? At least he calls me Lord Kyon.

"Accompany you to where Aslan is, these men will," Master Yoda told me. What the…? You mean he won't be coming with us?

"Won't you be coming with us, Master?" I asked him.

"Coming along with you, I will be," he replied. That's a relief.

I looked around and saw that Haruhi and the others were getting along with the other creatures that went with Master Yoda. Well, they should do that. These… people look to us for leadership.

All was fine in the camp, as we greeted one another. I myself had an engaging conversation with Kitsune on who he was and such. He told me that he was some sort of scout for Aslan's army, and that he would serve as our guide on our trip to Aslan's camp. That's another relief for me. At least we won't be wandering around lost.

All of a sudden, everyone fell silent. Seriously, you can hear a pin drop in the camp at that time. It seems that someone saw something coming this way.

"Milord, a sleigh approaches us! It might be one of the Witch's men!" a faun shouted to me. One of the Witch's men, is it? Well, there's only one of him and there's about a hundred of us here, so he should be either really powerful… or really stupid. Or maybe he isn't an enemy after all. Yeah, that's it! He isn't an enemy! I should tell the men that.

"Okay then, prepare your weapons!!!" Haruhi then shouted. Well, she's as charge-crazy as ever, I can see. That isn't good.

The creatures suddenly took out weapons of all kinds. Swords, spears, daggers, bows, you name it. Oh boy. This is going to be ugly if I don't do something.

"Wait!" I told them. "Lower your weapons! We don't even know if he's an enemy yet!"

"A wise decision, my young padawan," Master Yoda told me. Could it be that he sent the rider of this sleigh along, too?

The sleigh then stopped in front of the camp. The soldiers, still keeping their caution, told us to hind while they prepare themselves for anyone who will step out of that sleigh. Wait a minute, there's a brown bag at the back of the sleigh. Can it be…? No, I never even believed that he existed. But this is Haruhi's world, after all. That means _he_ could exist here if Haruhi wanted him to. So, Haruhi still believes in Santa Claus, eh? Let's see what she thinks Santa looks like.

…

That was… interesting. I was expecting a jolly, fat old man with a long beard dressed in a red suit to come out of the sleigh, but well… I was only correct about the red suit. The person who came out of the sleigh was a short girl with long blue hair and a catlike expression. That's right, it's Izumi-san. And her suit seems to be too big for her, even. Those sleeves are too long for her arms. Wait, isn't Izumi-san standing behind… I guess she isn't. Now that I think of it, I haven't seen her since the beginning of this chapter.

"Yo," she said. Who is she now, "Kona-claus" or something?

"I'm Kona-claus." I'm right. I must be psychic.

"Hey!" Haruhi said, coming out from behind a large troll. "It's Santa!" What? Not again…

"Yes, that's right," Izumi-san said. "And I bring gifts for the children of Adam and Eve." I shouldn't argue now, shouldn't I?

"First up, Kyon!" She said, asking me to come nearer.

"You will be the party's knight. Take this sword and this shield, and fight on the front while the rest of your party supports you from the back. And you should concentrate on your strength stat and melee combat as a knight." Is she talking in the context MMORPGs?

"Uh, thank you, I guess." I said after receiving the sword and the shield. I then went back to where I was a few minutes ago.

"Wait!" She said. "Remember: these things that I will give you are only low-level equipment. You will have higher-level items when you reach a higher level." Ooooookay.

She then told Asahina-san to come nearer, and handed her a bow. "Well, you are in a vastly higher level that anyone else in your party is, so I'm giving you a weapon fit for your level. You are the party's archer. You will support Kyon from behind with rains of arrows. You should focus on your agility... or accuracy."

"Thank you." Asahina-san said in an emotionless voice then left. I guess the scary Asahina-san in back.

Izumi-san then called Haruhi and handed her a wand. "Haru-chan, you are the party's leader, as well as its mage, who will throw offensive magic at the enemy from a safe distance. Concentrate on developing your intelligence stat."

"Okay, thanks, Santa!" She said happily and went back to her position.

Lastly, Izumi-san called Nagato. I bet she'll make her a healer or something.

Izumi-san then handed her a wand and said "You are going to be another mage for the party. Unlike Haru-chan, you will support your allies by casting healing magic on them."

"O-okay," Nagato said. I also guess that the new Nagato is back too. Life is good!

"Hey Yuki!" Izumi-san then called out as Nagato was going to where I was. "I have another gift for you."

Upon hearing that, Nagato went back to where Izumi-san was standing. "Give me your left hand," she said, and Nagato reluctantly extended her left arm. Izumi-san held Nagato's left hand with her own for a few seconds.

"That is perhaps the most useful gift I can give you," she said after she let go. She didn't explain why, though.

I was curious as to what that "best gift" is. Is Izumi-san trying to tell us that our weapons are useless, and a handshake is more useful that them? Or is it something else? When Nagato went to where I was, I asked her to let me see her hand. She showed me her left palm and I saw a scar in there. No, not a scar, it was more like a symbol. That symbol was a curled scorpion tail, which is as red as blood. And now that I think of it, when Nagato was walking towards me, she was clasping her left hand, as if she was in pain. Did Izumi-san's handshake burn this weird symbol on to Nagato's hand? I had no time to ask, though, Izumi-san left immediately after that. According to a centaur, she had "a lot of catching up to do". But still, what does this weird scorpion tail symbol on Nagato's hand mean?

My thoughts were interrupted by someone who came out of a tent. It was Izumi-san in her beaver costume. How did she change costumes that quickly?

"Hey everyone," she said sleepily. "What did I miss?" Riiiiiiiight.

"You missed the most wonderful thing, Kona-beaver-chan!" Haruhi exclaimed. "Santa came and gave us these neat gifts!"

As much as I would like to ignore it, Izumki-san's reaction was too much. "Woooow! He did that!? Too bad I didn't see it!" Oh boy. Is this similarity due to the fact that they have the same voice actresses? If so, why am I not an excessively powerful super-vampire? Maybe because that rule just applies to characters with the same voice actors in both the Japanese _and_ English dubs... I _seriously_ have to stop breaking the fourth wall.

After that gift-giving session, we ate a hurried breakfast (good thing the soldiers brought food along with them), packed up our camping equipment, and prepared to move out. And now, with Kitsune leading us, we are marching on to Aslan's camp. This is going to be a long march.

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A/N: Well, that about wraps this chapter up. I can't say that many things because I'm still suffering from the recoil of that overly long chapter.


	13. Separation

**confessor cabal:** Hello everyone. Just got hit by a tranquilizer… drowsy… can't… _(falls asleep)_

**Chapter XII: Separation**

"Hey Kitsune, how much farther till we get there?" I asked. It feels like we've been marching forever. Well, at least now I have an idea of what the Chinese Communists went through during their Long March.

"Not far now, Boss. Believe it!" The talking fox said. He better be right.

As of this moment, Haruhi, Asahina-san, Nagato, Master Yoda, the four girls in beaver costumes and yours truly, accompanied by a band of creatures which one would normally encounter in a regular fantasy story (numbering about a hundred and fifty), are on the road, marching to meet Aslan, the true King of Narnia, in order to assist him in liberating this land brought forth by Haruhi's newfound interest in western novels. Led by a talking fox who calls himself "Kitsune", we have marched for about… I lost count… all day, I suppose, stopping only once for a short lunch break. Never have I been this tired in my life.

Of course, Haruhi, Nagato, and Asahina-san show no signs of fatigue at all. Haruhi, with her oh-so-boundless energy that I have come to loathe (and fans around the world have come to love), is blabbering on about glory and victory and all that. Does she _ever_ talk about anything worthwhile?

On the other hand, Asahina-san is quiet, _very_ quiet. I think she's back to deadly assassin mode. She hasn't acted herself ever since she got a hold of that bow. That's the same case when she was holding her light saber. I think this is the reason why Asahina-san wasn't permitted to carry weapons around in this timeline. Now I understand.

Well, at least Nagato's back to her shy, sweet self. Or at least, I think she is, from what I've seen before we started marching. She's been staring at that scorpion tail mark on her left palm since we began this march. And now that I've thought of it, so have I, when I'm not complaining about the distance (I can't complain about the heat because it's winter).

Okay, as of this moment, we've stopped at a crossroads. One path looks well-worn from use, and the other is… dark and eerie and stuff. I even saw a skull lying around that road. Okay fox, what do we do now?

"You have to choose which way to go, boss," Kitsune told me.

"Let's go through that way!" Haruhi suddenly shouted, pointing through the eerie road with the skull lying around.

"T-t-through the Forest of Death? Are you sure about that?" Kitsune asked ina scared voice.

"Forest of Death? Why is it called that?" Haruhi asked. I should have asked that first. I also wanted to know the reason behind that ghastly name. Sit back, everyone; I think the fox will be telling us a most interesting story.

"Three years ago," Kitsune began, "the Green Witch sent a unit of her soldiers to patrol that forest, which is one of the borders between her domain and the rebels. Before that time, no one has ever crossed that dark patch of land, which is rumored to be the most haunted area in all of Narnia."

"So, what happened to the soldiers?" some faun asked. Can't you wait for the fox to finish?

The fox's tone became darker and more foreboding. "The patrol never came back."

"That's it?" Haruhi then asked. She seemed unimpressed by the tale, and so was I. I thought it was something more interesting.

Then Kitsune spoke again. So there _was_ more. "Then, after that, the Witch continually sent soldiers to patrol the area, but none of them ever returned. A year after the first patrol was dispatched there; the Witch sent a large and heavily-armed force to that forest, in order to find out what happened to those patrols. She thought that it was rebels. Then, something happened. After three nights of searching, the large force found nothing and prepared to return to tell the Witch that there was nothing there. Then _it_ happened."

"What? What is it?" This time, that was me who asked. I really wanted to know.

"We don't really know. But when a rebel patrol, with me included, went to that area three days later, we saw what appeared to be a forest of wooden stakes. One soldier was impaled on each stake. The other soldiers who were not impaled lay on the ground, drained of blood. We were obviously scared when we saw that, but we got more scared when we heard a bloodcurdling scream. We ran away afterwards. It was really terrifying! Believe it!" Kitsune reported as if those things he was talking about only happened yesterday.

Okay, we are _definitely_ not going through the Forest of Death, not even if Haruhi starts yelling all over the place. But what's at the end of road number two? I decided to ask just that to out fox-guide.

"Hmmm… the other road?" Kitsune replied after I asked him, "Well, that's the usual route. There's this narrow mountain pass there, the Hot Gates. It's an excellent defensive position, since a large invading army can't move well in such a restricted terrain. If we take that route, then we should be able to reach Aslan's camp by evening."

Let's see… narrow pass, excellent defensive position, usual route, opportunity to reach our destination this very day… all of those sound very reassuring, especially since the only way we can take besides that would probably lead to our untimely and unappealing death. But something's still not right here.

"I see," Asahina-san said (using here cold, emotionless tone) after Kitsune's explanation. "Then I say we take the Forest of Death." Yeah I agree with… What!?

"And why is that, Mikuru-chan?" Haruhi asked Asahina-san. Her voice gives away the fact that she was not expecting Asahina-san to say that.

"Think about it, Suzumiya. The Hot Gates is the usual route that travelers take to go to Rohan. If that is so, then the enemy might already have prepared an ambuscade there in advance. On the other hand, they might not even consider stationing any units in the Forest of Death, if they still remember what happened to the parties they sent to that area two to three years ago. Therefore, marching through the Forest of Death is safer than marching through the usual way." I've never heard Asahina-san speak using that tone of voice before. It seemed like she was a veteran military officer lecturing a rookie. Hearing that speech gave me… mixed feelings.

"M-Mikuru-chan? Are you okay?" Haruhi asked. She sounded really confused… and scared. So, this is what happens if Asahina-san shows her true personality in front of Haruhi.

Haruhi then regained her composure and said, "If the enemy is waiting there, then that's more of a reason to go through the Hot Gates! Let's defeat them there so that they can see how awesome we are!"

Asahina-san was seemingly annoyed by Haruhi's reasoning. "Don't you get it, Suzumiya? We are one hundred fifty or so creatures with little or no experience in the battlefield (excluding myself, of course). Since the enemy desperately wants us dead and are probably expecting us to cross the easy way, there must be a thousand or more professional soldiers waiting at the Hot Gates. It will take a miracle for us to survive a battle against an army like that in our current state."

This is going nowhere. I have to do something to make these two stop. I decided to ask Master Yoda to help me.

"Master Yoda, could you please settle the argument between those two?" I requested.

"Hmmmm… It seems that another test for you, this is. Mediate this argument and decide what to do, you should." He answered. In simpler terms, he's saying: "You know those two better than I do. You stop their fighting." Well, that makes sense. But how could, a normal human, I stop an elite assassin from the future and a reality-bending girl who doesn't ever listen to me from their argument?

"Of no value, their arguments are, for your ally is the Force." Master Yoda whispered to me. I guess he was trying to encourage me, and he did a pretty bad job in doing it. I'm not a Jedi Knight, so what the heck does the Force mean to me? Oh well. Better try to settle their arguing in any way possible.

"Hey, you two," I began. "What if we split up? Asahina-san would lead a group through the Forest of Death, and Haruhi will lead another, through the Hot Gates. How does that sound?" To me, that sounded ridiculous. But at least it caught Haruhi's and Asahina-san's attention.

"Fine with me," Haruhi said.

"If Suzumiya is fine with it, then so am I," Asahina-san said as well.

They both agreed to my idea. Wait, that shouldn't happen. My plan was to catch their attention with a stupid idea in order to catch their attention, then both of them should say "Kyon you idiot!" or something like that, then they would think of a better compromise. Master Yoda, I need some help here.

"No," Master Yoda then told them. Thank you, Master. Then he turned to Nagato and to Asahina-san.

"Go through the Forest of Death, the three of us shall. Stay here for a while and wait for us, the others will." Hmmmm… My little alien mentor is up to something. I know of this. I sense this disturbance in the Force… I just wanted to say that. Anyway, I just know that Master Yoda is up to something. Would he use himself, as well as Asahina-san and Nagato, as bait so that everyone else can go to Aslan's camp safely? I can't allow that!

"At peace, you should be, my young padawan. Made into bait, no one shall be. Just taking some reinforcements, we will be." Well, that's reassuring. But I still have some questions.

"But Master why do you need to take Nagato?"

"Only her, those reinforcements will obey." Oh. Those are _her_ soldiers, then.

"And Asahina-san?"

"For security." Well, with those two guarding Nagato (And with Nagato's own abilities… wait, I think she couldn't use that in her present state.), no enemy could touch her. That makes sense. But there's still something I should say...

"Master, I should go too. Take me with you. I need to make sure that Nagato remains safe."

"No. Look up to you, these soldiers do. If you leave, discouraged, they will become." Oh. Well, I shouldn't agree with that, should I?

"And Kyon, even if they don't become discouraged, if you go, they will be left under the command of you-know-who. Remember the time when we played 'Day of the Sagittarius III'?" Asahina-san whispered to me, making sure that Haruhi (who became bored and decided to talk with the beaver-people) doesn't hear what she is saying. Well, what she was saying indeed makes sense. If I go with them, these creatures might already be a pile of rotting corpses by the time we return.

"Kyon-kun, will we really be okay?" Nagato asked me.

"Master Yoda and Asahina-san are going with you, so I think you will be alright." I answered.

"Well… if you say so… I will believe you. Good luck, Kyon-kun!" Nagato cheerfully said. So, that's what a cheerful Nagato looks like… _(static)_

**confessor cabal: **Hey nliev, how am I supposed to write how Kyon reacts again? Hey, hey! nliev! Come in! Mayday! Oh crap. He's still finishing math.

**C.C.:** You can't write anything romantic? That's pathetic.

**confessor cabal:** Shut up, Witch! And what the heck are you doing here anyway?

**C.C.:** I smelled pizza.

**confessor cabal:** *sigh* Lelouch! Get your Witch out of here!

**nliev:** (wakes up) huh? (sleeps again)

-Please wait a moment-

…

"Leave now, we will. Dark, it will soon be." Master Yoda then said.

"Well, we'll be leaving now, Kyon-kun! Take care!" Nagato said.

"I will. Good luck… Nagato, I said."

"Return by this time tomorrow, we will. Wait for us, you should."

"We'll do that, Master. Kitsune, go with them. I'm sure they'll need you to guide them through the forest." I said.

"Okay, boss! We'll be back, believe it!" The talking fox said.

Nagato, Master Yoda, Asahina-san and Kitsune then left our group to get the reinforcements that will help us get to Aslan's camp. Only I, along with a few others, saw them leave, with Haruhi not included in those "few others". She was too bust talking with Izumi-san and the others to notice anyways.

And now, from our little band, four left… a handful stay… and only one looks back: Nagato. I told the men to rest up for a while. If everything goes according to plan, Nagato and the others will arrive at this spot with reinforcements, which will help us get to Aslan's camp safely. Now, I can't help but wonder: just who are those reinforcements? And why would they obey Nagato? Is that scorpion tail symbol in her hand related to this? Oh well. I'll just have to find out tomorrow.

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**confessor cabal:** Well, that was interesting… _(falls asleep again)_


	14. The Hot Gates

**confessor cabal:** _(eating)_ Eat your *chew, chew* breakfast! Eat hearty *gulp*! For tonight, *chew, chew* we dine *gulp* in hell! Well, some characters will. I'll be dining right here.

**C.C.:** Hey you. Isn't that pizza supposed to be mine?

**confessor cabal: **Go away. Oh, and this chapter is going to be a long one. I merged two chapters together to form this one, in order to save space.

**Chapter XIII: The Hot Gates**

-Begin Transmission-

Status report by Agent One.

At around 1700 of this day, Master Yoda, Yuki Nagato, Kitsune the fox and I separated from Kyon, Suzumiya, and the rest of the party, a group numbering about one hundred and fifty, in order to rendezvous with a group of reinforcements of unknown number and strength in the area dubbed as the "Forest of Death".

Our guide, Kitsune, showed signs of fear and uncertainty and fear in going through this undertaking. Those signs of fear can be expected from him, since he is one of the witnesses of the outcome of the massacre that gave this forest its name. This may hamper his efficiency greatly, as most emotions always do.

At this time, around 1800, we have reached the inner part of the forest and are now following Master Yoda in seeking for the reinforcements. As I looked around, I saw that this forest is very aptly named. These sights are truly the stuff of nightmares. Rotting corpses impaled on stakes, corpses drained of blood on the ground, entrails scattered around the area, decapitated heads of a myriad of creatures, limbs hanging from trees, you name it. And since these are all in the middle or late stages of decay, the smell here is just unbearable. Kitsune stayed behind, near the outskirts of the forest, because he can't stand the stench.

Even though I have seen (and created) sights which can be considered "gruesome", none of them can compare to this horror. In fact, the only reason why I am not running away and screaming in terror is because I have been made biologically incapable of feeling fear, or any emotion for that matter. If I were able to feel emotions now, I would faint right now.

Now, approximately thirty minutes after we entered the forest, Master Yoda ordered us to halt. We are currently standing in front of a large gnarled, twisted tree. Standing right in front of us, sticking out of the tree, is a large black metal coffin bearing a symbol that is strikingly similar to the symbol on Nagato's left palm: a curled red scorpion tail. The only difference is that this symbol is bigger, and it has this red hexagon whose upper diagonal sides are longer than its lower diagonal sides surrounding it. Master Yoda is telling Nagato to raise her left palm of the same level as the symbol on the coffin. The two scorpion tail symbols begin to glow. What happens now, I have no idea.

-Transmission Interrupted-

Huh…?

Where am I? The last thing I remembered was that last night, I and a few others were patrolling the camp when I suddenly fell asleep. And now, the sun is up, and I am here in… captured by the Witch's forces led by… Koizumi!?!? What's going on? Well, it's a good thing that they didn't find Haruhi, but why the heck is Koizumi leading the enemy's forces? I'll give him a piece of my mind right later. But as for now, I have too many questions that need answering.

"Ah, Kyon-kun. I am truly glad that you are safe. Welcome to the Hot Gates." Koizumi said when he noticed that I woke up.

"I am terribly sorry that we had to put you to sleep. That would ensure that your captors could not fight us," he continued. Captors? I'm confused. Well, either this guy's confused or he's just messing with me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, those creatures that were with you, they were definitely going to kill you if our scouts hadn't spotted you first." Now he's just misled. I think I have to explain everything to him. Oh, we're surrounded by enemies. I think now's not the right time for explanation. I'll just play along for now.

"WHAT!? Kill me? I… I couldn't believe it." I could say that I was a good actor. I discovered that during that fake murder in that island manor.

"Yes, Kyon-kun. Those people are rebels against the Queen, and they want you dead. In fact, they want all of us dead. Now, where is Suzumiya-san? We know that she's with you." Oh boy. What would I say? Tell them that I don't know? They might kill me if I do that. Make something up? Maybe…

"THERE THEY ARE! COME ON! LET'S RESCUE KYON!!!" Oh Haruhi… charge-crazy Haruhi. Why do you have to ruin everything?

Well, as I was about to make something up, Haruhi and the troops accompanying us suddenly charged into the enemy's camp. (The enemy was camped just beyond the Hot Gates) Haruhi, I could have saved your skin, but you had to charge in like that, didn't you?

"WAIT, IS THAT KOIZUMI? COME ON, LET'S RESCUE KOIZUMI TOO!!!" Haruhi shouted. The troops then readied their weapons and marched in a phalanx…

**Some random survivor in the rebel force who I ordered to narrate: **We marched, for honor's sake, for duty's sake, for glory's sake, we marched. Into the Hot Gates, we marched. Into that narrow corridor, where their numbers count for nothing.

..Okay, the troops seem to be strong enough. In fact, they might even be able to pull this off. Wait, why is Haruhi, who is supposed to "support the party from behind", as Izumi-san pointed out, in front? Wait, the Witch's forces are moving back to form up for attack. And I'm trapped in the middle of the two opposing forces! I took my chance and ran behind the phalanx, and I pulled Haruhi into the back of the phalanx for safety too. The troops were kind enough to create a space for us to pass by. That was close, too close.

"Kyon, you idiot! What did you do that for!?" Haruhi, who is clearly infuriated, asked me when we reached the safe part, behind the phalanx.

"If you stay in front, you'll die. Don't you know that?"

"But I want to fire out spells like crazy in the front!" Oh, this reminds me of the 'Day of the Sagittarius III' game we played.

"Listen, you're supposed to help Aslan liberate Narnia, so you shouldn't die before that. Wait till we defeat the Witch, then you can fight in front all you want." Haruhi seemed to like that idea. She shouted out her orders from behind.

Our troops stopped when they reached the part where the mountain pass ended. This was where they plan to make their stand.

Then, the first enemy soldiers charged in. Asahina-san was right; there are more than a thousand enemy soldiers here. And with the "valiant troops composed of free… creatures fighting a greatly numerically superior slave army" scenario that is unfolding, I can't help but feel as if I was watching the battle of Thermopylae during the Greco-Persian wars. Let's just hope that we don't dine in hell tonight.

**Some random survivor in the rebel force who I ordered to narrate:** We did what we were bred to do, what we were trained to do, what we were _born_ to do…

As expected, the first wave of enemies was pathetic. Not one of our troops was killed. But as time went by, as the wounds and weariness took their toll, I felt that the fighting was turning more and more against us. I decided to help the men and fight as well, and Haruhi started to cast her spells… but nothing happened. She doesn't know any magic as of now, so she's practically useless.

"Come on, men! Fight on! For Narnia, and for Aslan!!!" Haruhi said. That's right, Haruhi. If you can't fight with us, just encourage us.

We were successful in holding the enemy off… until _that_ happened. Enemy soldiers appeared from behind us, obviously passing through a narrow path we haven't seen earlier. Our troops formed a protective circle around Haruhi and me. I was too exhausted that time. Haruhi might have forced me to do all the manual labor for the SOS Brigade, but fighting like this is far more exhausting than doing any of those. I miss the old world already.

Koizumi, seated in some high carriage thing, was among the enemies who appeared behind us. He then tried to persuade us to join his side again.

"Kyon-kun, Suzumiya-san, you are being deceived by these rebels! Please, stop fighting and join us before we destroy those creatures!" He pleaded.

"Never!" Haruhi shouted. "Koizumi, as your Brigade Chief, I order you to come with us at once!"

Then we heard a maniacal laughter from behind us… or is it in front? It's really hard to tell when you're surrounded.

That maniacal laughter came from a guy with dark green hair, an artificial eye, and regal-looking clothes. He obviously a high-ranking officer in the Witch's army, judging from the way he looks.

"You've done a great job in cornering these rebels, Sir Itsuki. Now, soldiers, kill them all!" He ordered.

Koizumi looked shocked. So he _was_ misled a while ago. I knew it.

"But Sir Gottwald, the children of Adam and Eve are still with those rebels!" He said in a tone that is seemed to be both shocked and confused.

"That's more of a reason to kill them! A prize shall be given to him who kills any one of the children of Adam and Eve!" The green-haired guy (who I now know to be Gottwald) exclaimed.

"No… wait… stop!" Koizumi said desperately. This is going to be ugly.

"I knew it! So you ARE a traitor after all! Soldiers, capture the traitor Itsuki, and take him to the dungeon!" Gottwald ordered. Koizumi was then dragged away by two minotaurs.

"Now, KILL THEM!!!" Gottwald exclaimed.

The enemy archers prepared to fire, and the foot soldiers prepared to charge after that. We, on the other hand, prepared for our imminent doom. Then, everyone turned when they heard something atop the cliff.

"YA-HAAA!!!"

-Continue Transmission-

…

Nagato then raised her left hand in such a way that the symbol on her palm was directly in front of the larger symbol etched on the black coffin. After a few seconds, the symbol on the coffin, as well as the one on Nagato's hand, started to glow a bright red. They glowed steadily for a few seconds before the coffin opened, revealing nothing inside. But evidence inside the coffin suggests that someone has been placed inside there, someone who woke up and walked away before we got here.

"Excuse me," someone who recently appeared behind us said. His was cold and foreboding, as if he died and was reanimated. "But may I inquire as to what you are doing in front of my coffin?"

We all looked back and saw a pale, thin anthropomorphic creature, which is most certainly a vampire, judging by the way he looks and speaks like. He had raven black hair and red irises, and his pupils were like those of a snake. He was wearing an ornate red armor with that red scorpion tail symbol on its breastplate, had a black hooded cape, and carried a large crossbow with some kind of rapid-fire mechanism attached to its front. He also had a long _shashka_ (a Cossack saber) kept in a sheath with a scorpion motif.

"Who exactly are you?" He asked. He then looked at Master Yoda and said, "Ah, Master Yoda. Greetings." He then turned to us and said, "Since you're daughters of Eve, and Master Yoda brought you here with him, I guess you're not with the Witch."

Master Yoda decided to speak first. "Correct, you are. Someone you must know about, I brought here with you."

"Someone I must know about? Who is it, then?" He asked. So he is not an enemy. I deduced that he was a curious one from that question.

Master Yoda then pulled out Nagato, and showed her left palm to the vampire. The scorpion tail symbol glowed brightly for a few seconds, and then dimmed down again. The vampire had an immediate reaction when he saw that symbol: he kneeled on one knee in front of Nagato.

"Long have I waited to serve you, Master," he said in a humble tone of voice.

So that was what the scorpion tail symbol was for. And that is also the reason why Master Yoda brought only Nagato and me here. It all makes sense now.

"M-M-Master?" Nagato asked in a puzzled and reluctant tone. I think that she also understood what is happening, but fear of the vampire led her to disbelief.

"The mark proves it. You are indeed my master. Now, what would you have me do?" The vampire asked as if to prove to Nagato that she is indeed his master.

"W-well, come with us and help us cross the Hot Gates," Nagato commanded, still nervous.

"The Hot Gates, eh? As you wish, Master. But first, let me send one of my familiars to scout the area we will be traveling in," the vampire replied. He then sent out a raven from his arm, and commanded it to examine the Hot Gates. The raven flew quickly, and then returned after a few minutes. It was then absorbed back into the vampire's body.

"Hmmm… troublesome…" the vampire muttered.

"Why?" Nagato asked.

"Well, my familiar reported that the Witch's forces that are stationed in the Hot Gates are attacking a small band of rebels led by two humans."

"Can it be…?" I asked to no one in particular, "Kyon and Suzumiya? But why would they attack that recklessly?"

"We should ask the questions _after_ we save them," the vampire pointed out. He was right. Then he turned to the direction of the forest.

"Comrades," he said, "arise." He started to talk more and more like one of those old Bolsheviks (Russian communists during the October Revolution).

Then, from within the forest, an army of undead soldiers (mostly vampires with long white hair and elven ears) carrying longbows and swords, and clad in black armor (and all with black hooded capes like their chief), marched to our direction. When they reached our spot, the head vampire, the one who we met earlier, spoke to them.

"Comrades," he began, "you who have failed to protect the fallen kingdom of the elves. Today Aslan has sent a new Master for us to serve, sent so that we can redeem our honor. Today, we will show our worth in battle, and crush our Master's enemies! We will destroy all those who dare oppress the masses of Narnia! We shall annihalate those leeches, those who give vampires like us a bad name… those who fatten themselves up at the expense of the working class! For Narnia, for Aslan, and for Master…" the vampire then paused and looked at Nagato. Nagato seemed to understand what he wanted to say.

"Yuki," she said.

"Right, thank you. For Narnia, for Aslan, and for Master Yuki!" he exclaimed. The other soldiers then shouted their war cry.

The vampire then sent out two ravens from both his arms and told them to notify "the lazy dog". He then turned to the direction of the undead army again.

"Now, comrades," the vampire said at last. "To the Hot Gates!"

-End Transmission-

"YA-HAAA!!!"

I've seen and heard many weird things here in Narnia, but that one's beyond weird. It's… a copyright infringement. Oh well. At least it delayed our death.

Then, a storm of arrows rained down… on the enemies. Something is happening here, and I think I like it.

Gottwald then looked at the top of a cliff, and so did I for that matter, and we saw a tall, thin guy dressed in red armor and a black hooded cape with the hood up. I also saw Master Yoda, Asahina-san, Kitsune, and Nagato standing beside this guy. When I saw them there, I understood what happened: reinforcements have arrived to help us. When they showed themselves, I saw that all of them were… well, undead (They gave that "undead" feel, and there were some skeletons among them). Not that their being undead bothered me, but… whatever. I should be glad that the mess Haruhi caused has been fixed, regardless of who fixed it.

Then the guy with the red armor (everyone else wore black) said, "Now, you lazy dog!"

"You troublesome commie," a voice from the other cliff said. "*sigh*, Well, Here goes."

Most of the Witch's army suddenly disappeared… or they fell under a giant pitfall trap and were crushed by tons of rock. Then Gottwald (who survived) looked at the guy with the red armor and shouted, "This is not the last time we will meet! Next time, both of you will pay for your crimes!"

The other two weren't listening. The guy in red was already gone (along Nagato, Master Yoda, Asahina-san, Kitsune, and the undead army), and the other guy… well, I don't know. But I thought I heard snoring from the side of the cliff where he was in. His voice sounded really familiar, I just couldn't put my finger on it. And why did Nagato and the others leave like that? Well, I guess they're also headed for Aslan's camp, so I'll just ask them when I get there. We better get moving.

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**confessor cabal:** Well, *munch, munch*, that's it *gulp* for this chapter. And for this pizza. The next chapter would be shorter than this one, I hope. Oh well. I'm still hungry so I'll go get another pizza.

**C.C.:** Another pizza? How many can you eat?

**confessor cabal:** More than what you can, that's for sure.

**C.C.: **Oh? Then prove it.

**confessor cabal: **You're on.

**nliev**: (wakes up) I smell pizza… oh well. Yey!! Math is finished!!! HAHAHA!! DIE MATH!!! *coughs*


	15. The Fellowship of the Dai SOS Dan

**confessor cabal:** Too… much… pizza… VICTORY!!! I defeated C.C.! I am now the undisputed Lord of Pizza! Fear my… uh, wait here please. _(runs to the bathroom)_

* * *

**Chapter XIV: The Fellowship of the Great SOS Brigade (sounds redundant)**

After three long hours of marching, me, Haruhi, the four beaver cosplayers (who appeared from hiding when the enemy retreated), and the exhausted but high-spirited remnants of the rebel force that was sent to fetch us, reached a large camp; a _really_ large camp. No wonder the Witch's army doesn't want to attack this camp directly: it's huge, and all the soldiers who were in it (dwarves, centaurs, satyrs, elves, trolls and other fairy tale creatures) were well-armed and armored, and disciplined as well. They all stopped and stood at attention when we passed by them on our way to the tent in the middle, in front of which stood Nagato, Asahina-san, Master Yoda, that guy with the red armor, and another guy, who is wearing a black hooded cloak.

The others stopped some distance away from the tent, only Haruhi and I walked a little nearer, to where Nagato and her group stood. All the soldiers in the camp were staring at us with wonder, as if we were gallant war heroes or something of the sort. I felt uncomfortable. Oh, this is going to be a long… unknown span of time. I should at least do something to make me appear like the leader these creatures see me to be, right?

I unsheathed my sword and in a voice that was as close to "authoritative" as I can, I said: "We've come for Aslan." That calmed me down for a bit.

Then I, no, we all heard something stirring from inside the tent. The great lion, the true King of Narnia, Aslan, was about to come out from his tent. That almost got me all excited...

…But it didn't get me even a bit excited. Well, this was because the figure that emerged from the tent wasn't the regal, majestic lion which I imagined, but a short, blue-haired girl with a catlike expression dressed in a lion costume with a clearly visible zipper in front. Yes, it's Izumi-san. And she was also wearing those 16th-century boots. Who are you now, Izumi-san, Konaslan?

Then, a centaur exclaimed, "Hail Lord Konaslan!" I really am psychic, am I? Well, they all bowed before the presence of Konaslan, so I bowed down too.

Konaslan began to speak. "Welcome, Kyon, true son of Adam. Welcome Haruhi, true daughter of Eve. And welcome too, Yuki and Mikuru, adopted daughters of Eve. But where is the other one?" Where have I read something very similar to those lines before?

"That's why we came here, sir," Haruhi replied, "We need your help to free Koizumi." Hey, I thought we came here to assist this lion thingy in liberating Narnia? Oh, I remembered that we needed all of the SOS Brigade to do that. Bummer.

"Is that so?" Konaslan said, "Then help you, we shall. In turn, you will help us in our fight to rescue this land from the clutches of its captors."

I decided to speak. "That's… the other reason why we came here," I said.

"Most excellent. Then we shall begin our preparations in rescuing Itsuki… tomorrow morning. You can take the evening off. You deserve it, after a hard day of battle." Konaslan told us. That's good. I can finally get some rest.

Konaslan then dismissed us and I decided to take a stroll around the camp. I should take Nagato along with me. But as I was thinking of spending another potentially romantic evening with Nagato, I remembered the people who stood with her when we met with Konaslan. Who are they? I decided to go and ask them directly. I saw them talking with Nagato, so I decided to approach them.

"Oh, it appears that we have some company," the guy in red said before I can even move a muscle. Is he psychic?

"As a matter of fact, comrade, I am. I can read every single thought you have in that mind of yours. It's a perk as a vampire." Right, so he's a vampire. I don't need to ask him what he is anymore. I decided to go closer.

"Oh, hello, Kyon-kun," Nagato told me when I got to where she and the weird people were standing.

"Oh, hi… Nagato," I said in return.

Then the vampire guy drew his sword and pointed it directly at me. Hey, what the heck did I do!?!?

"You probably addressed my master in such a disrespectful manner." He said coldly. Master? So Nagato is this vampire's master? So that explains why he's got that mark thing in Nagato's left hand on his armor. I've heard that once a vampire enters a contract, he will never break it. This means that I have to be careful with my thoughts when I'm around Nagato from now on. Well, at least I would be too scared to think of any thoughts too… similar to what Taniguchi might think.

"It's okay," Nagato said, "put down your sword." And the vampire guy sheathed his sword. Well that's a relief.

"As you wish, Master. And I'm not really going to kill him: I just wanted to see that look of fear now." The vampire said with a smirk. Oh, good grief. And to make matters worse, Nagato left the scene for one reason or another. She probably went off to see the others. I hope she gets back soon.

"Good grief." Hey wait, I didn't say that. Those words came from the other guy, the one with the black cloak. Now that I see him closer, I can see that he's got that collar accessory around his neck. I wonder what that's for.

"I see that we're all here," A… female voice said from behind. The vampire and the other guy looked… agitated upon hearing that voice.

Suddenly, I felt this weird, syrupy feeling that forced my sense of time to go on slow-motion. Then I saw _her_. Oh, why does time always get slower whenever I see a hot girl? (insert more of Kyon's perverted crap here)

Anyways, that uh… girl seemed to bring great discomfort for both the vampire and as for his cloaked colleague, let's just say that he froze in fear. Then, the vampire looked at the cloaked guy, smiling mischievously. There's something going on here, and I really don't get what it is.

She approached me. "Hello. Have you seen…" She stopped in the middle of the question and looked straight at the cloaked guy, who was trying to escape by stealthily moving away from us in a fashion which we all can see. And that, my friends, is an oxymoron.

"Fido-kun!" the girl suddenly screamed, then tackled her hapless victim. That cloaked guy's a pretty lucky bastard. But isn't Fido a dog's name? And what's this? So that girl's got a tail… not that I was looking at _something else_. I don't do that.

"Come on, child. We all know that you do," the vampire said. That mind-reading bastard.

"H-hey! Get off me! Help me out here, commie!" the lucky bastard, who was currently being dragged away by the ear, told his very amused "comrade". And now that his hood's off, I could see that the lucky bastard has grayish hair.

"It's silver! Ow, ow, OUCH!" Oh, so he can read minds too? Probably not.

"Hey commie!" that guy desperately said.

"Your demon-girlfriend, your problem. That's why I chose my vampiric power over my heart. Good deal." You call that a "good deal"? That vampire's either power-hungry, or just insane. Or he's probably a mixture of both.

"Girlfriend!?" the cloaked guy and the girl (who I can safely conclude to be a succubus) said in unison. Well, their reactions after that are very contrasting.

The cloaked guy seemed to reject the idea outright. Well, I couldn't be to sure, though, he couldn't speak because he was running out of air.

The succubus, on the other hand, seemed to be delighted by the idea. "Girlfriend? How sweet!" She told the cloaked guy, and then she locked him in a death grip of sorts. He shouldn't forget their anniversary.

Vampire guy and I stayed and chatted for awhile. Then, by some stroke of misfortune, Haruhi spotted me talking to the vampire, and went closer. Oh no, another troublesome person is coming, I need to evacuate… Oh, she had the beaver cosplayers with her. Wait, who's that? There's this one cosplayer that I don't recognize, though. She appeared to be in her twenties, was blonde, and had this prominent fang sticking out, like Tsuruya-san's. I wonder who this one is.

"You don't recognize me, Kyon-kun? That's cruel of you." This new character said when I asked her who she was. Am I supposed to recognize you?

"Of course you are! I was the one who found Haruhi-chan in the forest and brought her to you, after all." You were? Wasn't that Izumi-san? And where _is _Izumi-san now? Oh, this is confusing.

"Oh, right, sorry. I just forgot your name, that's all." I had to play along so that I could know who she really is.

"Forgot my name, huh? Of that is so, I should just introduce myself again. I'm Kuroi-beaver." I really don't recognize you. Oh well.

"Hey Kyon! Who's that guy in red?" Haruhi asked me the moment she saw her with the vampire. Nagato was walking with her, by the way. So there was where she went.

I didn't answer. Well, what am I supposed to answer? Those two still haven't introduced themselves, so I only know that the cloaked guy's name was "Fido" because her succubus girlfriend said so. But as for this vampire, I know almost nothing about him, except that he is a communist and that he is a servant of Nagato's.

"That's right," the vampire guy told me. "I forgot to tell you my name." You only remembered that now? Oh well, I'm not thinking.

"I am known by many names. As for you people, you should just call me… Vlad," the vampire then said. Vlad? That's a pretty generic name for vampires, so I guess that isn't his real name.

"On the contrary," he said to me, "that is indeed my name." He read my thoughts again. "Oh, do forgive me, Master, I didn't see you there," Vlad told Nagato the very moment that he saw her.

"Master?" Haruhi asked. She is clearly as puzzled by the turn of events as I am. I also decided to ask him why Nagato became his master all of a sudden.

He then told us what happened in the Forest of Death, how Nagato opened his coffin using that mark on her hand (he was actually taking a stroll around the forest that time), how he was supposedly bound to anyone who has that mark, how he awakened his undead "comrades" to help us, everything. But I still have some questions lingering in my mind.

"Why weren't you sleeping inside your coffin anyway?" Haruhi asked. She asked that just a few seconds before I thought of the question.

"Well, everyone's favorite Witch woke me up. Then she forced me to serve her, she who killed my first Master and destroyed my homeland. I served her for a short while then I rebelled because the she isn't my rightful Master. I've been awake and hiding in the so-called Forest of Death since then. I've even redecorated the place so that she would keep her aristocratic nose out of there." Oh. That explains quite a lot.

"And you've had direct exposure to sunlight. Why aren't you dead? Don't tell me you're one of those sparkling vampires," Haruhi said. Darn, she asked the same question I was going to ask again. Yes, if Vlad here is a sparkling vampire, I would side with the Green Witch.

"A sparkling vampire? Those aren't real vampires, they're fools. Sunlight does not affect me and my comrades because we have become strong enough to resist it. I personally find sunlight annoying, though." Oh, that's a relief. I guess my allegiance is still with Konaslan.

Speaking of Konaslan, uh… he arrived to where we were standing, followed by Asahina-san, Master Yoda, the succubus, and Fido. He then called Vlad, Haruhi, Nagato and me to his side and told all of us to gather around him. He then spoke to us.

"Greetings, everyone. As of this moment, you now have a knight, a healer, a mage, and an archer in your party. And now, I add to your party three elite warriors who will get the job done if you four screw up. Thus, you are now on your way to be a real party. You still have a long way to go though." Oh, why do I sense a hint of Konata Izumi's original character? Whatever.

"What else do we lack as a _party_, Lord Konaslan?" Haruhi asked. I think Konaslan will say something frivolous, like a name or something.

"A name, for instance," Konaslan said. I was right again… I _am_ psychic, aren't I?

"Alright then, everyone! Let's think of a name!" Haruhi exclaimed. You're getting all worked up on this, aren't you, Haruhi?

"I've got it!" She's worked up again, all right.

"Let's hear it, then," Konaslan said. This is going to be bad, I tell you.

"Suzumiya Haruhi's awesome army!!!" I knew it. And what's worse is that Konaslan seems to agree with her. I have to do something about it.

"Hey Haruhi, why don't we ask everyone for suggestions? You know… so that everyone agrees to the name and all." I _do not_ want this "party" to be named after Haruhi.

Haruhi sighed and said "Alright, because a good chief listens to her minions." Did she just call us minions? I don't think those three new people over there would agree to that, especially the commie.

Vlad spoke then. "I know, as the vanguards of the Narnian proletariat and we're a _party_, we should be the Communist Par…"

"Shut up, commie," Fido said. I knew it. They're so in-character.

"Okay then, how about something more militaristic, like the Red Guard?" Vlad suggested… just as expected.

"No," the succubus said. And actually, he's the only one who's wearing red in the entire party anyway… unless he wants us to wear red uniforms as well.

"I still like it. From now on, my undead will be known as the Red Guard. Anyway, how about something less communist, like the Brotherhood of-"

"Uh, How about the others? Any _other_ suggestions?" I said. And I still think that his third suggestion had something to do with that scorpion tail symbol on his armor.

"Oh, I'm _so_ going to suck your blood," Vlad told me.

"No you're not," Nagato said. I _really_ like this Nagato.

**Vlad (whispering so that no one can hear):** Darn.

It seems that Asahina-san wants to say something. Oh, I think she's going to say "Black Ops" or something similar.

"After-school Tea Time." What the heck!? And she said that with a voice that _clearly_ contradicts what she is saying. Uh… er… eh?

"O-okay, next." That was… whatever. I guess drinking tea is really a part of Asahina-san's character after all, even the scary assassin version.

"Oh, I know, Kyon-kun!" Nagato said. I definitely think that this is one of the best choices.

"Light and Fluffy Brigade."

…

CLANG!!!

Everyone who heard that readied their weapons, except for Vlad, who had a very distressed expression in his face.

"I guess you didn't like it?" Nagato said in a sad but still cute way. Awwwww.

"That's… not... it… Master," Vlad said. This is a very huge dilemma for him, obviously. And it's a real dilemma for me as well.

"Uh, well, not that we didn't like it, but we have to hear the others' suggestions." Whoa, I got through that easily.

"How about Team Alpha Wolf Squadron?" Fido said. I think I've heard of that before.

"Alpha what? And you thought that _my_ suggestions were bad," Vlad told him.

"Well, at least it doesn't have any hint of communism in it," Fido answered.

"That's because you're a capitalist sympathizer!"

"I don't even know what that is!"

"Or dooooooo yooooooooooouuuuuuuuu?"

"Good grief."

"Hey, I got it!" The succubus asked. Fido suddenly froze in fear, and Vlad ignored her. Oh, another idea. Give me a break.

"Okay then, let's hear it," I said. I wouldn't want to hear another idea for today, but I started this charade, and I need to finish it.

"Let's call ourselves the SOS Brigade!" What the…? Now where have I heard that before? Oh well.

"Saving the world by Overloading it with fun by the Succubus?" Vlad asked. "Give me a break! You've been proposing that idiotic name since you joined this army!" Oh, so he's starting a quarrel with Fido's girlfriend now? He _really_ likes fighting, doesn't he?

As the situation gets more heated, Haruhi stepped up. I'm sure she'll make matters worse. I'll get out of here if I were you…

"No. We're not the SOS Brigade anymore," Haruhi proclaimed. So, what are we now then, oh eccentric one?

"From now on, we will be called as _the Great_ SOS Brigade!" The… what? That's just… but… well… good grief. I'm going to stop now. And oh, everyone seemed to have calmed down, and Konaslan seemed to like it.

"And the last 'S' means?" Vlad asked.

"Suzumiya Haruhi, of course!"Haruhi said.

"Okay then. Are you or are you not a succubus?"

"No."

"Well then, since it has the word_ great_ in it, the name's fine with me." What? I don't really get this vampire's tastes.

Well, it seems that everyone agrees with the name (except Fido, who is looks like he is in shock), so Konaslan took over.

"Thus, I dub this party _the Fellowship of the Great SOS Brigade_. May your wisdom and skills lead us to victory in this war," Konaslan said. So now, our little party would be called the Fellowship of the Great SOS Brigade: The Fellowship of the Great Saving the world by Overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade. Feel free to laugh… or to switch fanfics

So, after that bizarre series of events, three suspicious original characters (made by this fanfic's authors out of sheer boredom) were added to our merry little band, forming the Fellowship of the SOS Brigade, or rather, the Great SOS Brigade (Dai SOS-dan, for those who don't get it). I wonder what the future holds for us. I really do.

* * *

(nliev): hello friends!!! after all this time, Haruhi Potter's (and me) is back! although, confessor did almost all the work... anyway, I really need your comments on how can i improve this story or maybe some flames if you want to, i just need feedback even a simple, 'its not funny' or something... anyway, thanks for reading... d(-_-)b V


	16. Night Before the Rescue

**confessor cabal: **Blizzard's really taking its time, eh? They told me that Starcraft 2 would take _years_ before it can be released.

**The confessor's RTS connoisseur: **what the heck!? They said they'd release it this year!

**confessor cabal:** I'm tired of waiting. Anyway, did you know that EA is currently developing the concluding installment for the Command and Conquer series? That-

**nliev: **What the hell are you talking about? Aren't you supposed to be telling the story? And who's that geek?

**confessor cabal: **You're back? Dang. I haven't even created the second interview chapter yet!

**nliev: ***sigh*. Don't mind him, folks. Anyway, here's the story.

**nliev: **uhh.. who the heck are you? I don't talk that way.

**nliev: **Im gone.

**Disclaimer: **we don't own anything. except our laptops.

* * *

**Chapter XV: The Night before the Rescue**

Later after dinner, I decided to walk around the camp to let the food in my stomach be digested. The time after the "Fellowship of the Great SOS Brigade" has been formed and dinner was pretty much uneventful, seeing that I was sleeping… Oh. While walking around, I saw Fido lying on the grass while munching on a piece of meat. Hey, the succubus isn't there, maybe he escaped. I decided to approach him; maybe lying in the grass is a good way to pass time too.

"Yo." He greeted as I was approaching him.

"Hey, how did you know I'm here?" Well, it still is surprising that he knew I was coming.

"I smelled you." He answered in a pretty much bored voice. He smelled me from that far?!

"Oh… so you're a werewolf?" Well, he did smell me coming. Unless I smell really bad, which is not possible, I believe that is the most plausible explanation.

"Not really, more of a Lycanthrope, I suppose" he said.

"Oh… By the way, I'm Kyo-"

"Kyon right?" Darn…

"Yea… you can call me that, I suppose." Sigh, it seems my nickname precedes me.

"I'm Fenrir. Want some?" He said, while offering me some roasted meat… where did he get that?

"Fenrir?" I asked. If my deduction is right, it means Haruhi also incorporated some mythologies in this fantasy world of hers… Oh well, like that will change anything.

"Yes." Ah…. So what happened to the huge wolf chained by invisible objects? Aren't you supposed to be so ferocious that you scared some Norse deities?

"So…I assume you're the other general who betrayed the witch?" Well, based on his interaction with Vlad, one can safely guess he has known Vlad for a while now.

"Well, I didn't actually betray her, my contract just expired." He said while pointing to his collar.

"How exactly?" I think a little bit of info about the person who will be joining our merry little band won't hurt.

"Well, she allowed me to mess a little with this (he points to his collar), and I serve as her general for a while." He really is a man (wolf?) of few words.

"Oh. How about the succubus and Vlad? How did you meet each other?" He was yawning.

"*yawns* Sorry about that, anyway, I met Vlad when we were both generals in the Witch's army, as for Lilith, She is my second-in-command there. Why? Do you like her?" he said while moving into a sitting position.

"N-no! I was just curious, that's all," Well, she is beautiful, and- Uggghhh…cold…

"Oh. Okay then." He then looked behind him, "seems commie's master is looking for you." Who? Yuki? Looking for me?

"Kyon-kun! Where are you?" It was Yuki. I guess he can smell her too… that didn't sound good.

"Hey! I'm here!" I looked behind me as I answered. After a while she came to the place where Fenrir and I were sitting, with Vlad closely behind her.

"Kyon-kun! There you are!" she sounds happy, wonder what happened… Vlad ignored us and went straight to Fenrir. "Hey, your demon-girlfriend's looking for you." Fenrir immediately stood up and barely said 'gotta go' when someone tackled him.

"FIDOOOO-KUN!!! Where were you? I was searching for you… I thought I'll never find you!" She was tightly wrapped around Fido-er…Fenrir that he almost can't speak. Poor guy…

"Arrrghhh… Geff ooff me! Do you really need to hug me so tight?!"

"Of course!! I must do that so you can't escape me again! I have something to show to you!!" She grabbed Fenrir and dragged him, while he tried to escape… I somehow remember when Haruhi kept dragging me when she started the SOS Brigade… *shivers*

"Kyon-kun!" What? Can't you see I'm trying to relive my "drag-doll" days? Oh it's Yuki…

"Sorry, I kinda spaced out there…" Yuki puffed her cheeks, somehow this angry look of hers just made me feel tingly. Ahem… No one heard that. Vlad looked at me, snickering. What is it, you bloodsucking bastard?

"Suzumiya-san called us to have a strategy meeting or something…" Yuki suddenly spoke. Darn… This feels bad… And using Yuki to call me? That is low blow man…

"The obnoxious one says it's important," Vlad said, "but personally, I don't believe her. May I suggest that you pretend to have a coma or something?" Well, that might work… wait a minute, why the heck are you giving me advice anyway?

"I am an ally of all who are oppressed," Vlad said using his most "communist-sounding" voice. Right. I'm glad to have a communist in the group then.

"COMMIEEE!!!! A- LITT'L –EEEEELP!!!" That was a weird howl… Anyway, Hearing Fi-err-Fenrir's plea for help, Vlad, left to help another "oppressed comrade".

"So… Why exactly are we holding this 'strategy meeting'?" I asked Yuki while we were going to Konaslan's tent.

"I think it's for the rescue mission tomorrow," Yuki said. Oh yeah, tomorrow's the day we're going to rescue Koizumi.

"Oh, Hey, Nagato, what do you think of Vlad and the others?" …not bad, Kyon, not bad at all.

"Ummm… I think Vlad-san is a little scary," You got that right, "and I haven't been able to talk to Fenrir-san, but I think he is a bit lazy, and Lilith-san likes Fenrir-san, I think." Well, at least Yuki doesn't feel awkward around them; we will be fighting side-by-side with them after all.

"KYON! What took you so long?!" Oh it's Haruhi, it seems they came too early… or we walked so slowly. Darn…

"Kyon! You'll have to suffer the penalty for being late! Minus 12,000 points!" What?! She's still using that utterly enigmatic and completely arbitrary point system.

"*sigh* Okay, okay…" I said as I looked at the people around her… Fenrir was standing on one side, snoring, Lilith is grabbing his arm, Vlad was already beside Yuki, and there are the beavers… Konaslan… err… where's Asahina-san?

"She's with Master Yoda," Vlad said while looking at me. He then pointed towards Haruhi, "But since you didn't follow my advice, you should just listen to… her."

"-and then after crushing those weaklings, we take Koizumi!" Somehow, I think, I don't need to hear what she said.

"Uh, Haruhi, do you think we can just charge in there and crush them?" Come to think of it, if she wants that to happen, it will.

"Right. We should make a plan then!" Haruhi went inside the tent. Why are we outside in the first place?! After Haruhi entered the tent, everyone followed her inside. I was about to enter the tent when-

"KYON! We need chairs! Bring some here!" Haruhi shouted while looking at me. She's really hyped up isn't she?

"FIDO-KUN! Help him!" this time it was Lilith. It seems that she was 'asking' Fenrir to help. Fenrir sighed and went with me outside to find some chairs.

"I always have to do the manual labor…" Fenrir sighed. Well, what do you know?

"She always asks you to?"

"More like she forces me to," He said.

"Oh." Well, I guess I won't ask more on that subject. We went to the storage room, well, tent and got a bunch of chairs. As I was carrying the chairs (Fenrir was dragging them.), we bumped into Asahina-san and Master Yoda. Asahina-san said she just wanted to get a better knowledge of the situation so she talked to Master Yoda. Seems like she is really serious about this mission. Good for her. We headed straight towards the tent where Haruhi and the others are afterwards.

"Ok! Now that we're complete…" Haruhi started. Sigh… I feel sleepy all of the sudden. Maybe Haruhi won't mind if I take a little nap. Sorry Koizumi, it's just that I need rest, for your rescue mission tomorrow.

… … …

"Hey! Wake up! We gotta prepare now!" I reached out to bonk the alarm clock. …It has hair. When did I get a hairy clock? …Darn.

"HEY! QUIT SLEEPING AND START PREPARING!" Arrrgh! My head…

"Okay, okay, stop shouting already." Sigh… that is the last time I'm going to sleep in a meeting. I mean, I know it's not good too sleep while in a meeting, but this punishment's too much.

"Haruhi! Come with me quick! Bring Kyon along too!" Hey, I know that voice. It's Konaslan. Great. Add fuel my headache, why don't you? What time is it anyway? Well, since it's still dark outside, I guess I hadn't overslept.

…

After Haruhi dragged me outside the tent where our… their meeting took place, we went towards Konaslan who gave everyone walky-talkies. Cool, medieval walky-talkies. Haruhi, Lilith, and Tsukasa-beaver-san ran towards Konaslan and started to 'test' the radios. 3 ft. away from each other.

"zzzt… this is Leader, mic test. Hello everyone, over."

"zzzt… this is Li-chan, Hello Haru-chan, over."

"zzzt… Li-chan, we should use awesome codenames instead of our name. Refer to me as leader. Over."

"zzzt… Copy that. Refer to me as L1 then... Over."

"zzzt… Call me T1! Over."

This may take a while. Although I'm happy that Haruhi is too busy too drag me into things. Guess I'll prepare myself for the upcoming battle. As I go towards my tent to get my sword, I saw Vlad walking around in his armor and a huge coffin behind him. Guess he bashes opponents with that… or not. Why is he not following Yuki?

"What is she, a magnet?" He said while looking at me. Oh, no, she's more of a biological humanoid interface created by aliens or something. Don't go turning me into a mindless ghoul and all…

"Yo." Oh Fenrir is here, he is wearing a cloak again. Well, this intrigues me.

"Hey, err… you can transform into a wolf right?" He looked surprised.

"Well, more like part wolf. Why?"

"Won't your cloak get ripped or something?" And as if I told a joke, both of them laughed. What the hell?!

"*chuckling* -Sorry, but that was funny, that question always makes me laugh." Fenrir said. He then pulled his collar off …well more of ripped it off. He suddenly was covered with fur and his face suddenly morphed –for the lack of a better word- into that of a wolf. His cloak wasn't destroyed. Awesome.

"You see, when I transform, I don't get bigger all of the sudden. That's creepy, growing suddenly then shrinking afterwards." He said, smiling. Darn, and I thought I can see some awesome transformation sequence… Darn, I'm sounding like Haruhi. This is bad. Someone help me! Fenrir then turned back to his "human form" and his collar magically appeared on his neck. Weird: suddenly I sense that something bad's going to happen.

"KYON! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

…

Darn.

* * *

**nliev: **yay for late updates! Review please... we are really running out of juices err... or something.


	17. The Rescue part 1

**confessor cabal:** This chapter is made by me and me alone… that is, if nliev doesn't edit a few things. And I'll be dividing the "rescue" arc into two or three chapters, I guess.

**Chapter XVI-** **Rescue, Part I (Entry)**

"This is Red One. Team Vlad is moving out. Brigade Leader, do you copy?"

"Copy that, Red One. Should I explain the plan again before you move out?"

"Are you kidding? That's my plan; I know every single detail about it."

"Suit yourself. Brigade Leader out."

Well, they may seem like they're talking to each other from quite a distance, but Haruhi and Vlad are just three feet from each other. Haruhi just ordered us to use our radios all the time so that this operation would be more "exciting" and everyone else agreed, aside from me, Vlad, Fenrir, A… okay, so no one really did agree aside from Lilith. I really don't understand what's going on inside that insane little mind of hers. And if you think that's bad, well, she forced us to let her come with us even though she couldn't use her magic yet. Yes, she came with us just to watch. Good grief.

Right, I better explain what the Witch's camp looks like so you won't be lost and all. Well, the camp is pretty big, and it's got this square palisade wall running all round it. The camp is further subdivided into five: the northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest, and center, with one prominent tent in the center of each subdivision. The central part of the camp, which most certainly houses the Witch's tent (as well as Koizumi's holding pen of sorts), is surrounded by another palisade wall, and has wooden outposts in each corner of the wall. The camp has four entrances, one in each side of the square camp, and has two heavily-armed soldiers guarding one. In short, this is one well-fortified camp, and we're either really strong or really stupid to try to attack it with just the seven of us. That is, if the Witch's entire army was here. According to some intelligence reports that Vlad and Fenrir told us in council, the bulk of the Witch's army was still about two days away, and the only three companies (which consists of about 200-300 soldiers each) were actually inside the camp at this time. No problem… I hope.

"Well, we better stop here, comrades. Should I explain the plan?" Vlad said to the people who are with him, who happen to be Nagato, Asahina-san, and, unfortunately, me. Why am I part of the distracting force? That I would never know.

"Alright, explain away," Asahina-san said. She seems really intense now.

"Right. As of now, the party has been split into two teams: Team Vlad, that's us, and Team Haruhi. Now, our job is to draw the enemy's attention to us by burning their food supply and killing as many of their soldiers as we can while Team Haruhi tunnels beneath the camp into the detention cell to extract the target. Now, Team Vlad will attract the attention of the enemies to ensure that no one finds out about the other team. Alright then, are we all ready to mindlessly charge in and kill entire squads of the Witch's soldiers?"

What? Isn't mindlessly charging in supposed to be Haruhi's favorite tactic? Why the heck would one of Narnia's greatest strategists stoop to _her_ level?

"Because it's all part of the plan," Vlad told me. "We're charging in like barbarians, yes, but only so that we can cover the other team's operation. Weren't you listening during the planning stage?" Oh, I must've missed that part.

"Okay, I'm ready then," I said.

"So am I," Nagato said. Wait, Nagato's supposed to fight with us? But she can't use her alien magic… thingy! I think. She might die!

"Nagato, I think you should sit this one out," I said. Her survival is more important than anything at the moment.

"No. I have to help you," Nagato said resolutely. What if she dies? What would happen then?

"I swore to protect my Master to the death. You can be sure that nothing will happen to her," Vlad told me. Well, okay I guess, but still…

"Alright then, how about this: I'll charge in alone, and the two of you will watch my back. That way _you_ can keep my Master safe while I finish the operation," Vlad said, with a hint of annoyance in his voice. I think my lack of trust in his abilities got to him. But that does sound like a good plan.

"Okay, that'll do," I told him. I decided that keeping Nagato safe is more important than gaining Vlad's approval. I couldn't care less if that bloodsucker makes me his midnight snack later on. I'll protect Nagato myself.

"Is that so? Impressive," Vlad said with a cunning smile in his face. He was testing me?

"I think we should be starting the operation," Nagato said. When she's right, she's right.

Now that we're all good to go, we can move on to faze one of the operation: getting in. How can we do it without attracting that much attention?

"Leave that to me," Vlad said. And how are you going to do that again?

"By asking nicely." Oh. Wait, aren't forgetting something? Or someone…

* * *

This is the first mission of the Fellowship of the SOS Brigade as a team, and we're all very excited. Well, some of us are, anyway. That idiot Kyon is unable to get excited. Anyway, my team (composed of Fenrir, Lilim, and me) is now tunneling under the enemy's camp, sneaking our way into where Koizumi is, using Fenrir's powerful sense of smell to guide us. This move is part of a very clever plan by the Fellowship's master strategist, Vlad, who is obviously inspired by his Brigade Chief's leadership.

**Vlad: **Give me a break.

**Kyon: **huh?

**Vlad:** Oh, nothing.

Ugh, I'm getting really bored. I mean, I should be part of the team that will kill enemies like crazy, but here I am in this rat… uh, dog-hole, sneaking into the enemy's base like a coward! While I think that Vlad's idea of sending a team to sneak in and extract Koizumi is pretty clever, I still think he needs help in choosing who to send to fight the enemy. I mean, coming and going without a fight is not very chief-like, isn't it? If I were the one doing the strategizing, I would smash the enemy head-on, kill as many as I can, and rescue Koizumi. That's how you should execute a rescue mission.

Well, at least Lilith here agrees with me. We're talking about things like aliens and time travelers and ESPers while we're walking along this tunnel, with Fenrir digging and complaining in front. He's so much like Kyon. Lilith, on the other hand, is very different. She's pretty wise for a succubus. In fact, I would even want to promote her as an adviser of mine in the future. That's not a bad idea. No, not bad at all. I should do that someday, after the war. Oh good, we're almost there. Koizumi, here we come.

* * *

"How do we enter the gate without attracting much attention then?"

"By asking nicely."

Asking… Oh, I think I get it.

Before I can blink, I saw Vlad in front of the two guards… and the guards suddenly slashed themselves. I really think I know what happened, and so do you, so I wouldn't need to go into further detail.

Well, at least we got inside without having to fight those guards. Now, we only have to assault the enemy camp filled with soldiers as heavily-armed as those two. Great, just great.

Well, at least no one in this group is crazy enough to barge into the camp without… oh, I stand corrected; Vlad just tore the gates open and took out a rather curious sword from his coffin: a sword with a broad blade, a gun's handle, and a trigger. I remember that game. I don't even know why people loved it back then. I mean, its story is just a basic Hollywood-ish love story with no deep or interesting plot points so…

…

Hey wait, aren't I supposed to be panicking now? I mean Vlad just… GAH!!!

"Hey, what in Narnia are you doing, you insane bloodsucker!?" was what I yelled out… in my mind. Vlad's telepathic response came quick and clear, only a few seconds after my mental yell.

"Attracting attention," he told me using his mind. "Isn't that what I told you we would do?" Well, attracting attention is one thing, throwing your life away is another… right. Darn undead freak.

"What the heck are you standing around there for? Come on, the fun's about to start! YA-HAAA!" And after saying those words, Vlad leaped, sword-drawn, into the middle of a mass of enemies. I think he's really having fun. Having no real choice, I drew my sword and tried to defend myself and Nagato from the enemies who were coming for us. Good grief.

* * *

After several minutes of digging, Fenrir finally made a hole through the ground and leapt out of the tunnel. I think we're here.

* * *

_Arise, ye workers from your slumber!_

_Arise, ye prisoners of want!_

_For Reason in revolt now thunders,_

_And at last, now ends the age of cant!_

If you're wondering, that's Vlad singing some old communist song while gleefully chopping off the heads of anyone who stands in his way. Nagato and I think that he's really enjoying killing off all those "puppets of the ruling class", so we'll just back off for now.

…

Huh? He stopped. And he was getting to the song's chorus too… or so I've been told. No, I'm not a commie. And all the enemies are backing off, for some reason. What's going on here? Anyone…?

I was trying to make sense of this sudden lull in the bloodshed which I'm not part of when I heard something that most resembles a roar. Vlad stood still, looking at the moon's direction while the enemies scurried away. Nagato and I looked at wherever our team's resident vampire was looking at, and we saw these sleek black winged shapes flying toward us. Nagato stood closer to me.

"Kyon-kun, what are those?" she asked nervously. Well, since she doesn't know what those are, I also wouldn't have a clue. But I know that one thing's certain, and I'm sure Nagato figured this out before I did: those things aren't friendly.

* * *

We stepped out of the hole and saw not Koizumi, but a bunch of soldiers wearing black masks, black armor, and black capes. In front of the soldiers was a thin figure wearing dark purple clothes which look like those of a noble and a weird helmet thingy that covers his face. He also had this black cape, like those of the soldiers behind him. It's obvious that these are enemies. They probably moved Koizumi somewhere else and stayed here.

"Welcome," that helmeted guy said as the soldiers behind him drew their weapons. That helmeted guy's definitely the leader of this group. So, the enemies _were_ expecting us to come here. This is going to be good.

* * *

A/N (confessor cabal): So, Lord Zeromort was expecting the Fellowship of the Great SOS Brigade to come rescue Koizumi after all. What would happen to the Brigade? Who (or what) are those flying things the Vlad, Kyon and Yuki saw? How will Haruhi, Fenrir and Lilith defeat Lord Zeromort's men? Find out in the next installment of _Haruhi Potter: the Lion, the Witch, and the Warrior Within_! Dang, I sound like some sort of announcer.

(nliev): So, I'm back… Guess I'll start writing then…(sees a cookie) Damn. I'm gone.

_Konaslan wants YOU to review this story!_ –Narnian Liberation Army propaganda poster of sorts


	18. The Rescue part 2

A/N (confessor cabal): I took quite a long break, haven't I? I had to reformat my laptop, so I kind of lost my files and stuff. Now you know, even though you didn't really need to.

* * *

**Chapter XVII- The Rescue, Part II (the Black Knights)**

"Kyon-kun, what are those?" Nagato asked me nervously. Well, since she doesn't know what those things are, I wouldn't have a clue as well. But I'm sure about one thing: those flying things aren't friendly.

When they swooped in close enough, I saw that those creatures are actually thin black two-legged, snake-headed dragon-like things, and they have riders, who were wearing cloaks and whose faces were covered by hoods. Oh yeah, there are about nine of them coming straight for us.

"Konaslan help us," Vlad said as he took out a large crossbow from his coffin. "The Black Knights..."

Black Knights? Who are those? I'm confused.

"The Black Knights are the servants of Lord Zeromort, and are the most fearsome soldiers in the Witch's army; even the other soldiers in service of the Witch are afraid of them. They are led by the people who once wielded Zeromort's rings, which gave them great power, in exchange for their unending service to their Dark Lord, even after their bodies wasted away. Those fell-beasts are mounts; they bear those same people who sold their wills to the Dark Lord, all nine of them. I suggest that you take Master Yuki and head back to camp immediately," Vlad told me telepathically (strange how he never says any speech with more than four sentences using his mouth). How about you then?

"I'll hold them off," he said as he fired a bolt at one of the flying things. The rider fell off his mount, but it swooped down and caught him in mid-air. Impressive… and scary. Vlad wasn't impressed. He raised his right hand and snapped his fingers, and then something I somehow anticipated happened: a fairly large group of Vlad's undead soldiers climbed out from the ground and shot at the dragon things. He brought an undead army with him all along? Anyway, the enemies just dodged the arrows as if they were pieces of straw. This isn't good… and they're coming closer…

"What are you waiting for? Go now!" Vlad shouted telepathically. He really doesn't want his Master harmed then… but what about him?

"Don't worry, we'll finish the mission for you," Vlad told me in my mind. Oh, okay. We'll be leaving then.

"W-well, we better get going," I told Nagato, who was hiding behind me. "Vlad says he can take care of things here." I hope he does take care of things.

"O-okay," Nagato answered reluctantly. Well, I know she's still somewhat scared of Vlad (I know I am), but I think she's actually concerned about her… pet servant. We hurried away from the camp a few seconds later. The last thing that we saw in that camp was that Vlad was talking in his radio. Was he expecting more reinforcements? I hope so.

Nagato and I continued to run until we were quite far from the camp, but were still close enough to see what was going on. We looked back and saw that the entire camp was in flames, with those wyverns flying around it, screeching, their riders throwing fireballs at the undead soldiers below (I don't think their mounts can breathe fire). This isn't good. In fact, I can see that Nagato is already holding back her tears.

* * *

"Welcome," that helmeted guy said. "And oh, hello, Fenrir."

"Yo," Fenrir answered. They know each other? I knew it, Fenrir's a traitor!

Fenrir put on his collar and drew his large claymore and prepared to fight. I guess he isn't a traitor after all. Anyway, Lilith took out her own weapon: a large battle-axe. I have to prepare to fight too. There are a lot of enemies here, after all.

"You are going to fight against the Black Knights? You must be very brave… or very foolish," the guy with the helmet said again. He sure talks a lot.

"It's you who are foolish, Zeromort!" Lilith shouted. "You didn't bring enough men! Well, an evil villain like you can never bring enough men to defeat us, for we are warriors of light!" You tell him, Lilith.

"For me to be told those things by a demon… ironic," the guy I now know to be the evil Lord Zeromort said.

"Well, you're right," Fenrir answered, "but this is taking too long. Can't we just fight already? I have to get to sleep by midnight." He's really a lazy bum, isn't he?

"You haven't changed a bit, my old friend," Zeromort told him, "If you insist on dying this day, then so be it. Black Knights, kill these fools. I do not want any prisoners this time." He really thinks that some black-armored imbeciles can beat us? What a loser.

"Yes, my lord!" the Black Knights said in unison. I think that someone back in camp told me something about these "Black Knights". I kind of forgot what that person told me, though. Well, recalling that can wait. We have a fight on our hands as of the moment. I drew my sword (I wasn't carrying my wand around because I can't cast any spells yet) then poised myself to fight. Well, Black Knights, let's get it on.

* * *

"Okay, I think we're safe here."

"Safe," Nagato whispered under her breath, as if reassuring herself that we are indeed safe here.

After Vlad told us to run as far as we can, I took Nagato and we went into a nearby forest and rested in a hill that was some distance away, so we can still see what was going in the camp. People can run pretty fast when they're scared, eh?

"Kyon-kun…" Nagato said weakly. A few days ago, I would be really shocked that the emotionless humanoid interface Yuki Nagato would be talking like this, but I am pretty used to it now. I've accepted that Nagato has become more of a "damsel in distress" character in this world.

Anyway, I turned to her and saw a look of worry in her face. She might have told me last night that she was a little scared of Vlad, and I know that she doesn't really interact that much with Haruhi and the others, but I can see now that she does care for them as well. But that made me think: if I were with Vlad and the others right now, would Nagato worry about me too? I wonder…

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Nagato pointed to a seemingly random spot in the forest. I looked at it and saw a dark humanoid shape approaching our direction, maybe two… or more. Did some of the enemies follow us? This isn't good. We could already be surrounded. I then drew my sword, because I feel that I may have to make a stand here. If we run now, I'm afraid that we might run into more enemies. If those figures are indeed enemies and they're after us, then I'd have to fight here and protect Nagato… or die trying.

* * *

The so-called Black Knights charged straight at us in a huge mass, and Fenrir and Lilith stepped forward and drew their weapons to meet them. Hey wait, why are they putting me in the rear end again? I'm the brigade leader, aren't I? I won't tolerate this insult!

"Hey you two, I order you to let me join in!" I told them.

"No one's stopping you, Haru-chan," Lilith replied. Oh, I must've been really suspicious of the loyalty of these two.

"No wait," Fenrir then said. So he _is_ a traitor after all. "If you're playing chess, do you put your king up in front? The case is the same here." Ugh, I hate that reasoning.

Zeromort interrupted our argument. "But if the king does not lead, his men will not follow, won't they?" Hey, that a pretty good point, coming from the enemy.

"Shut up, you," Fenrir told Zeromort. It appears that he is a sore loser. "We should be fighting, shouldn't we?" Well, at least he's right.

The Black Knights charged straight at us, intending to take our lives for their dark lord and his queen. Zeromort, however, remained behind his armored goons. For a guy who talks of "leading his men" or something, he's such a wuss.

Me, Lilith and Fenrir hacked and slashed our way through the mass of armored goons, intending to kill Zeromort even before the big battle so that he could no longer help his queen (Well, Lilith and Fenrir are, anyway. Those two won't let me join in the fun.). Meanwhile, fireballs dropped from the sky outside, hitting the tents and some shadows that emerged from the ground.

"So, I see that you have friends outside," Zeromort said in a taunting tone. "The vampire must be using you as a distraction so that he can do something. Rescue the other adopted son of Adam, perhaps? But all your efforts are futile. My Elite Guard can rain down fire on your pathetic rebel troops from the comfort of their fell-beasts." What an arrogant bastard.

"Yeah, yeah," Fenrir replied as he stabbed the helmet of another goon. His annoyance is clearly shown by his voice. "Let's just get this over with so that I can go back to the camp and sleep." What a lazy bum. We continue to slash through Zeromort's men. Seriously, are these fools even trying?

Several seconds later, Fenrir's radio suddenly came to life. Vlad contacted us.

"Red 1 to Fido, Red 1 to Fido, come in, you lazy dog. Mission accomplished- we're pulling out, over." WHAT!?!?

It seems that Zeromort is just as surprised as we are, if not more surprised. He took several steps backward. His Black Knights stop charging at us and start walking backwards to their original positions.

"What?" Zeromort then said after regaining his composture. "Mission accomplished? Surely you jest. My Black Knights are defending all possible points of your attack."

"Oh, is Zeromort with you there?" Vlad said through the radio. "Hey Zeromort, guess what. Your 'Black Knights' are no match against my newest trump card! Well, better luck next time." Trump card? Who can that be? It can't be Kyon. A weakling like him couldn't stand up to these goons. Then who…?

Anyways, Fenrir pulled me and Lilith back into his hole and into our first point. We then run back to the forest, to where we were supposed to meet after the mission. I still don't get how we won, though.

* * *

The figure that was approaching us was coming closer. My heartbeat grew faster, since I know that I will have to fight for my life, and Nagato's, once that… thing chasing us gets close enough. I ready my sword, and I tell Nagato to get behind me, which she then does.

"Hello, Kyon."

That was Asahina-san. And she was carrying Koizumi, who is still unconscious. Well, that gave me quite a scare.

"Stay your blade, Kyon. I'm not an enemy." She says that in what I think is a mocking tone. Yes, I know that already, Asahina-san! Don't rub it in! So, it seems that Asahina-san went and recovered Koizumi while everyone else was distracting the enemy. That means Nagato and I were distractions too, contrary to what Vlad told us during the meeting (which I will tell you about in the next chapter).

I then put my weapon back into its scabbard. Nagato went over to Asahina-san and Koizumi, seemingly to tend to Koizumi's wounds. That bastard continues to annoy me even when he is unconscious.

"I see that most of us are now here," a voice resounded in my head. That was most certainly Vlad. He appeared from behind us, carrying that darn coffin of his. Wait a minute, where are those skeletons who went with him?

"Oh, those? Those are just the guards I fought earlier. I 'borrowed' their bodies for a while, since they won't get to use them anymore. They all burned to ashes," Vlad said using real, audible words, and not just telepathic signals and all that. That's a rarity.

Nagato, seeing that Vlad was alive and well, went over to where he was standing, teary-eyed, fussing over the undead communist like some kind of parent with her five-year-old (undead) son from some field trip… or… I don't want to say the other comparison. No, not that. Well, Nagato really does care about her new "pet", even though she admits that she gets scared of him sometimes. Vlad, you bastard.

"Yes, Master, I'm fine. No, I wasn't hit by anything. Die? I'm an ancient immortal vampire. I can't die even if I wanted to." Well, he doesn't seem to show any affection for Nagato beyond that of a servant to his master, anyway. Good.

We waited for a few minutes in that clearing, searching for any signs of the other three members of the "party". Then, _it_ happened.

"Below the desolate ground we lurk," an all-too-familiar voice said from beneath our feet.

"Watching the world above," another familiar voice said, following up the first statement.

"Am I really… OUCH! Okay, Okay… Defending the cause of the weak or something like that." Poor Fenrir.

"Let the warriors of darkness beware," the first voice said.

"For we are about to come forth!" the second voice followed.

Two annoying girls leapt out from the ground, followed by a rather unwilling werewolf, who merely crawled out.

"HARUHI!!!"

"LILITH!!!"

"Whatever. OUCH! Alright, Fenrir."

"And we are… TEAM SUPER ULTRA COOL DYNAMITE AWESOME ALPHA WOLF SQUADRON!!!" Haruhi and Lilith said in unison. Fenrir returned to his human form, and then went to where we were standing.

"Idiots," we said in unison. We are really quite alike in many ways, aren't we? I'm just not that lazy, which a good thing is. Darn, starting to talk like Master Yoda, I am.

With that, the Dai-SOS Brigade successfully completed its first mission and went back to Konaslan's camp. I still don't feel like I helped at all, but that's fine, since I really didn't help out at all anyway.

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A/N(nliev): *snores* *[mumbling] Haruhi.... and other.... characters... not ours... be back... 19.

A/N (confessor cabal): I just had to put that last stunt there. Yeah. And nliev will be writing chapter 19 onwards, so expect a rather abrupt change in the style of narration and all that. Reviews are good. That's all for now, folks. _Au revoir a tout a l'heure_.


	19. The Prelude to the Aftermath

**Disclaimer:** We don't own _the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya_. If we did, it'd have mechs, because giant mechs make everything better.

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**Chapter XVIII- Flashback: the Meeting**

When I last finished narrating the story, we have succeeded in our mission to extract Koizumi from the clutches of the enemy. Well, he might be annoying, but he is still necessary for victory. I'll just have to bear with him until… well, I don't really know. I hope that I won't bear with him for that long.

Anyway, we're now walking towards the camp at a pretty slow speed. We're all tired, after all, and Koizumi's lack of consciousness is slowing us down.

Well, what else can I tell you based on our current situation? Well, Nagato's walking beside me, Haruhi and Lilith are ranting about some things, Vlad and Fenrir are arguing about something I really don't get, and Asahina-san is walking quietly behind us. Oh, and Fenrir is carrying Koizumi. I'm glad that someone else gets to do the manual labor instead of me.

Okay then… what now? There's nothing that I can tell you here… or is there?

Right, since there's nothing interesting going on now, I'll just tell you about the planning stage of our little operation, just like what I told you last time.

How did that meeting go again…? Right.

I went to Konaslan's tent with Nagato at my side, and sat in the two remaining seats around a large round table. I looked around and saw that the tent is pretty luxurious, looking just like how I expected a king's tent to be like, with drapes and fine candlesticks and such. Then it gets weird. I also saw a television set, a PS3, a few posters of several anime series, and lots of games lying around. Well, this is Izumi-san's tent, after all.

"I see that everyone is here now," Konaslan said. "We should begin the meeting. General Vlad, I remember that I told you to send spies to track the enemy's movements. Do you have anything to report?"

The vampire looked at the lion cosplayer. "As a matter of fact, Comrade Leader, I do. After all, my ghostly comrades are some of the best spies in Narnia," he said. Comrade Leader? He sounds like… oh never mind.

"The enemy's main army has not yet reached their camp," Vlad continued. "As of yesterday evening, they have camped out in the bank of the frozen river, and would have finished the crossing tonight. According to my spies, they will reach the enemy camp the day after tomorrow. If so, it would be best for us to rescue the other son of Adam tomorrow night, when the Witch's army is still too far away to be of any assistance to the camp's guards."

"What about the enemy's camp? What news do you have of it?" Konaslan then asked Vlad, who sat down after he finished talking.

"Unfortunately, I have no reports about the enemy's camp, since I have ordered my spies to follow the enemy army," the vampire said. "But I believe that Fido over there knows some things about the interior of the enemy's camp, thanks to his sniffing around there." We all looked at Fenrir, who was… sleeping in the middle of the meeting. Well, that's typical of him. Lilith began to shake him violently.

"Fido-kun! Fido-kun! Wake up! UP, I SAY!!!" Lilith's method of waking Fenrir up is too… indescribable for me to describe here. In fact, if this were an anime, you'd be seeing a dust cloud or something similar right now. Whoa… I wouldn't want to be at the receiving end of Lilith's wake-up calls. My sister's early-morning antics are enough for me, thank you. I wonder how she's doing at home…

"Okay, okay, I'm awake! Sheesh," Fido… er, Fenrir said. Konaslan then asked him to tell us what he knew about the Witch's camp. Our resident werewolf began his short, unmotivated report with a big yawn, which led to him freezing in fear because of Lilith's deadly gaze.

"Urk… Well… The camp is… big, has a large wooden wall around it, and is… full of tents," Fenrir said while nervously eyeing Lilith, who was beside him. He really had it bad. "The Witch's tent is in the middle of the camp, and there is a larger tent in front of it. That's where they keep their supplies… and the other son of Adam. There are also about three hundred soldiers in the camp as of tonight. I'm not really sure. I stopped counting at three." Lilith's expression became scarier. She IS a demon, after all. "HUNDRED! YES! I COUNTED THEM ALL!!!" Fenrir said when he saw that Lilith was holding a large battle-axe. And I thought Haruhi's treatment was bad.

"Thank you, Fenrir. That was… informative," Konaslan said after hearing the report. "Well, I believe that our tactician has formulated a plan from what he heard from Fenrir's report." Who's our tactician again?

"Of course," Vlad and Haruhi said simultaneously. The only difference between them was that Haruhi stood up and shouted with all the enthusiasm she can muster while Vlad remained seated and sipped some red stuff from a goblet. Is that blood? I think so.

Even Konaslan seemed confused. "Eh… let's hear Haruhi's idea first, shall we?" he said. I think I know this one.

"We barge in there, take Koizumi, and cut down anyone who gets in our way!" Haruhi said. She's as charge-crazy as ever. Well, I'm sticking for Vlad's idea, whatever it is.

Konaslan then turned to Vlad. "Let us hear your plan then, General." I bet everything I own on Konaslan not liking Haruhi's frontal assault plan too.

"Of course, Comrade Leader. I propose that we divide the Fellowship into two teams: one that will create a diversion by attacking the enemy through the front, and another that will tunnel underneath the camp into the holding pen and rescue the son of Adam while the enemy is distracted. I further suggest that I be included in the team that will distract the enemy since I am… _hard_ to kill, and that Fenrir be included in the extraction team since I presume that he knows the camp's layout well."

"As expected from General Vlad," Konaslan said, then looked at all of us. Most of the people seemed to agree to the plan, even Haruhi for some strange reason. That plan sounds sensible even to her. "Well then, are there no objections to the General's plan? No? Okay then, let's assign the teams," Konaslan continued.

Asahina-san spoke first. "I volunteer myself to be part of the distracting team." She's actually volunteering to be part of the team that will be doing most, if not all, the fighting? That's really unlike the Asahina-san I first met. Even though I'd like to complain, I have to admit that she would be more useful like this.

"Me too!" Haruhi and Lilith shouted at the same time. Right, the magician who doesn't know any spells and the succubus who probably can't fight are going to be fighting. I have to do something about that.

"And why are you going to be part of _my_ team?" Vlad asked Lilith. It seems that he doesn't want to work with the succubus.

"Because I want to cut down enemies like crazy too!" Lilith said. Now where have I heard that before? Anyway, I wonder what Vlad will say to get her out of his team. I should be taking down notes too.

"Right," Vlad said. He's agreeing!? That's unexpected. "But then, if you join my team, how are you going to be sure that your dog will not sleep in on us?" he continued, pointing at Fenrir, who appears to be preparing to sleep again. Ooh, smart move.

"Oh right… I'll join the other team then!" Lilith shouted. She is pretty troublesome.

"You should join them," Vlad told Haruhi. I'll warn you, Vlad, no one orders Haruhi around, not even you. "You'll be able to finish the mission if those two screw it up." Right, that ought to do the trick.

"Of course! You can count on me!" Haruhi replied. Well, that went pretty well, if I do say so myself.

"And now, everyone else will be part of General Vlad's team," Konaslan said. WHAT!?!?

Hey, how about Nagato? What if she gets hurt or something?

"Oh, don't worry that much, Kyon. And if anything happens, you might be able to activate a flag for a new event," Konaslan whispered to me. Talking in the context of Izumi-san's games again, eh? Her character really shines out, no matter what disguise she's wearing. Oh dear.

Vlad then told us of the details of his plan. His plan is so detailed that if I told all of it to you here, this chapter will be longer than the one that Koizumi narrated. That discussion lasted for quite some time. It was also painfully boring. Well, that was pretty tiresome to listen to. Only Asahina-san didn't show any sign of fatigue.

"Well, that's all for tonight, everyone. You better rest well tonight, for tomorrow will be a big day," Konaslan said before dismissing us. Well, I better turn in. Hey, it seems that everyone has already left.

I decided to visit Nagato before I went to my tent and rested for the night. But on my way to Nagato's tent, I say two figures in the forest, revealed to me by the moonlight. There was this tall, thin guy, and this shorter girl with long hair. I decided to take a closer look.

It was Vlad and Asahina-san, talking in an isolated part of the woods. Vlad must be giving instructions to Asahina-san. But wait, Asahina-san's expression seems softer than usual and… did she just smile?!? And Vlad's smiling too! So… she and the commie vampire… I don't believe it. I just… don't.

I was so shocked that I hurried to my tent and spent the evening wide awake. I managed to get some sleep by sunrise.

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"Comrade… Mikuru, right? I have some orders from you that are for your ears only," General Vlad told me as we left Lord Konaslan's tent. Secret order, huh? This must be some sort of modification to the plan he told us a while ago.

I followed the vampire to a small clearing in the forest, invisible to all but the most observant. This is a place where no one can spy on us.

We stopped in the middle of the clearing, and the General began talking.

"The enemy must not know where I intend to give battle. For if he does not know where I intend to give battle he must prepare in a great many places. And if he prepares in a great many places, those I have to fight in any one place will be few." Those are words from Sun Tzu's _Art of War_. That is an ancient book even in this time period, but its wisdom remains as applicable in my time period as it did when the book was first written. In fact, I was made to memorize it, and can recite it word-for-word in Chinese.

I decided to speak.

"Attack where he is unprepared; sally out where he does not expect you (A/N: This is another quote from the _Art of War_.). The Comrade General will order me to separate myself from the rest of the Fellowship and strike at the enemy where I am not expected. Am I right?"

The General smiled. "You know your military doctrine," he said. I cannot deny that. "As you have guessed, you will separate yourself from our team and infiltrate the camp from another point. You will do this before we enter the camp through the front gate. Make sure that you do this stealthily, for you will be the one to extract your captured friend. The dog's team will be but another distraction, since your friend will most certainly be somewhere we have not expected," he told me.

"A sound plan, my General. But how are you certain that I am able to do this? And how are you certain that Koizumi will not be in the tent that Fenrir told us about?" I asked in order to test the General's credibility as a tactician.

"Simple," he answered. "You showed no fear when you first saw me. You also give off the air of a skilled assassin because of your skill with the bow, your swift and silent movements, and your ability to resist my mind reading to some extent, even though you yourself do not possess any latent psychic abilities. And the fact that you unflinchingly stood my needlessly long discussion must mean something. Yes, I talked that long to make sure that you were the person needed for the task I am giving you. If you are not an assassin, then I am not a vampire."

"True, I am experienced in the art of killing. But why do you think that Koizumi is somewhere else?" I asked again.

"Because I know Zeromort," the General replied. "I have fought with and against him for centuries, and have mastered his way of doing things. He has defeated me in some battles, and I have bested him in some, and we cooperated in a few, so I have some idea of what he is going to do. Unfortunately, I cannot totally grasp his stratagems, for great generals do not stick to any previous pattern, but change their tactics in an infinite number of ways. Therefore, I can also say that he has not totally read into my way of doing things as well," the General replied. So he has fought alongside Zeromort before, and fought against him as well. It seems that they have a long-standing rivalry.

I sensed someone hiding somewhere in our left side, behind some trees. The General seems to have spotted the eavesdropper as well. I turned to the right in order to see if there were any others.

"Don't worry too much, Comrade. It's only that boy who went with you. He can't hear us from here," he said.

"Kyon? He's harmless. He is too loyal to Nagato to betray us," I replied. I faced General Vlad ans smiled, not out of relief, but out of amusement at what Kyon might be thinking as of this moment. General Vlad smiled as well, revealing his rows of sharp teeth. Kyon can be a source of amusement sometimes.

After General Vlad gave me his orders, he walked to the forest and disappeared into the shadows. I walked the opposite direction and went straight to my tent.

I better rest up for now. Agent One out.

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A/N(nliev) = *snores*

A/N (confessor cabal): So ends another chapter. Yay! …Whatever. This is probably the last real chapter I'll be writing alone for now, since nliev is available again. Chapter 19 will be his work, not mine. And reviews make every story better. kyonisgendo


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